The Circle of Life

Is your “romantic” relationship the “number 1 priority” in your life? Is it number 2? Maybe family comes before? Maybe you’re really attached to your pet. Don’t laugh, there are some real money making businesses thriving from pet priority.

This mental list of priorities in our life gives comfort. As we imagine the lined paper with the:

1.

2.

3.

in our mind, it means things are “in order,” in their correct place and not somewhere over in left field where we can’t understand and so we grow overwhelmed.

As seasons change, maybe the priorities shift spaces. For some, this is expected. “No, babe, my work won’t always be number 1, I just have to get through this season at work where things are difficult.” For others, the top priorities are set, unchanging through nature’s own changing seasons. “Family will always be number 1.”

But what if we just take this whole linear idea of priorities and relationships and we do some shape shifting? Imagine the 1, 2, and 3 not in a line, but in a circle. The numbers have a continual connection. These numbers intersect in the middle as lines are drawn from each number in the circle to the center. The middle intersection represents the “heart of the moment.” In this idea “the moment” may be a minute, a few hours, a day, but usually not much more.  The important things, “priorities” are all still there, all important, but 1 doesn’t dominate number 2 and 3 in every circumstance, nor does 3 always come last, etc, because it’s not a linear list. As decisions, thoughts, actions, and emotions are activated, all the top priorities act to influence the person’s heart and mind. As the “things that matter” influence a person’s heart, perhaps there’s a leaning towards one “number” over another in that moment, but the others are always present. This is looking at those influencers of actions we take in life in a more interconnected, complex way.

If you followed that, now, let’s put another person into this priority circle along with the owner of the circle. As the owner of the circle walks around, perhaps on the perimeter of the circle, perhaps doing jumpingjacks right in the middle, the special companion is with the owner. Special companion is observing, commenting, running with, or even redirecting the owner towards a different number. If we think of relationships in this manner, it doesn’t really matter what number in the priority circle your significant other is on, because he or she is an influencer and fellow dreamer in the whole circle of that which is important to your spirit. Isn’t this the Biblical idea of covenant relationship anyway? Two becoming one, being a devoted and sacrificial friend…..

 When I think of a non-romantic, but close relationship, Jonathan and David from the Bible comes to mind. These men where devoted to each other--to each other’s welfare, prophetic visions, goals, and to the other relationships involved in each other’s lives. We know that God was David’s “number 1 priority,” and, at a certain season, becoming a righteous king was definitely on the top of his to-do life list. David didn’t try to figure out these two things and then go and sit and have coffee with Jonathan and just talk about life. David swore oaths with Jonathan, met with him to strategize and seek wisdom and comfort. In fact, David didn’t even actively pursue what an outside observer might say should be his number 1 priority—taking the throne. David focused on his relationships and Jonathan especially helped David achieve the God dreams on David’s heart and the top visions needed to be accomplished.

Or what about Joseph and Mary? What if Joe decided “Well, Mary is doing her own thing, she obviously has a priority of carrying the son of God, so I’m just going to sit over here and do my own thing, cuz’ that’s a little intimidating for me.” Nope. Joseph responded to the dream he had from God, to the circumstances and culture around him, and decided to trust the word of the Lord, as well as the heart of the woman he chose to marry. His life was changed by his choice to be united with Mary. Their life became connected to a greater glory and purpose. Joseph’s priorities did shift, but Mary didn’t become number 1 priority for Joe, rather, she became essential for Joe’s number 1 to become manifest in Joe’s life.

I think when we step away from being obsessed with whether we are number 1 or 2 in someone’s life, and we receive the friendship, devotion and involvement this person has beckoned us into, we will become more secure and feel the honor of the commitment of the other person to bring us out of the box of “relationship” and into the circle of their life. Of course, it takes two to tango, so this rethinking has to go both ways. And I’m not talking about getting rid of the beauty of putting the other first in situations or not being committed to that one special person in your heart. This shouldn’t be an idea that allows for men to remain mama’s boys when their S.O. (significant other) should be their kindred spirit, Nor is it an idea that should allow women to put Dad’s words above the voice of her beloved S.O. There are times and situations for different shape shifting to occur. Maybe, in the heart of a day, the priorities become a triangle and two top priorities are meeting on a line, while the 3^rd priority just chills, barely there.

This concept has more of a purpose to move away from putting romantic relationships into a box that prohibits depth of knowledge and vulnerability from happening. We all desire to be known and to know, so this way allows you to think of who you allow to enter into the “top” places of your heart and come alongside with you in a deeper, more complex, more difficult, more joyful, and closer relationship.

Mind you, in this idea I realize you are saying you’re S.O. is a top priority, but it’s a mind shift away from numbers and instead, into the concept of being “with.” Instead of competition for a spot, there’s special involvement in all areas—and a deeper involvement, closer to the center where all the numbers come together. Isn’t this how we want our relationship with God to be? Is God in a “God box” and put away while we are with family, or working on work projects, or having fun with our friends? If Jesus and his bride are what we model in relationships, then shouldn’t there be this same freedom of connection and being “with” someone (whether this is physically, mentally, or emotionally) instead of a fight to be at the top of someone’s list?

I think companionship means priority of connection, and yes, priority of placement in mind and heart. Priority of connection means that no matter what—my significant other is “above” others in regards to my heart’s commitment to intimate connection, but will not always be what I’m pursuing at the moment. This is not a question of heart commitment or fidelity. If that is being compromised, that is not o.k. It is more of a way of living, knowing that priority of focus will shift during the day in order to see God’s kingdom come. It keeps us from feeling we are only complete by being with another person. Thinking in a circle allows a person to know “the heart of the matter” of what really matters in our personal lives as we welcome this person into that space with us.

This circle space is sacred, and not everyone should be allowed to roam around in it. Here is where those that aren’t our special circle companion get to explore with us, but we remain with integrity that they are not in the heart of the matter as our significant other is. The circle idea puts relationships and friendships into a different light than the things and projects in our lives. Without community, the dreams we dream won’t have the affect, vibrancy, leverage or depth. So, as we prioritize our life, we should think about who we allow into the circle of life with us, and not only who we allow in, but who are those that we allow further in--further into the core. The core is not a space for everyone, and I do believe in regards to a relationship, there is a space reserved for just that person. This is the power of relationship! This is the reason marriage is so sacred to God. It is different and intimate and mirrors our relationship with God in ways other relationships just can not. We were not made to share our cores with a hundred people, just as we weren’t made to share our cores with a hundred other gods, aka idols.

God is very purposeful in how He prioritizes.Our relationship with God actually may just be the very lines that come and intersect everything else. So in the end, God is first, God is last, God is everything, because He is in all things and in all relationships, no matter where ppl are allowed to enter into the circle. His lines are drawn, and they go from every number along the circle and intersect every human walking in the circle.

I want a core dreamer alongside me in my circle. I don’t want a cluttered circle with confusing commitment. I want a full circle with healthy friendships and people enjoying the perimeter of my life. But in that sacred space that is made for exclusivity, this relationship will be able to be an inspiration to the things I choose as important life focuses around my circle. And as life turns and these numbers float in and out and I accomplish and change and grow, my friendships remain, my faithfulness to God remains and my S.O./ special circle companion, remains the one in the middle of relationships. 

Enlightened Heart

Here we are. Presented in the flesh, actions speaking louder than the words we emit. Humans--beings of body, mind and soul. We hear this, that we are more full creations than we realize, but do we know our own Spirit-seeking nature? Our spirits are reaching, reacting and reforming to the Alpha I AM, the ultimate divine being we call “God.”

This reach, reaction and reform will occur as we enter into the beauty of choosing to know unity of our spirits with God’s. A united abiding is the way, truth, and life of our innermost beings.

To speak in the general “you": 

You have to go inward if you want to go outward…. and actually be effective. Fruitful “effects” for yourself and for others. The inner story of your heart, weaved by interactions, revelations, and humiliations with Yahweh, will create an outer atmosphere of being that is the “you” that the world is so privileged to see.

     We must let the invisible work inside the house of our hearts to be let out onto our visible selves.

To speak on the inner story of me:

God is doing an invisible work on my heart. It is so vibrant from where The Alpha and Omega sits. He (For “He” is how I know Father God) sees and He knows colors are splashing everywhere. Out of those floor-of-the-ocean places in my heart and mind, I sense a splash zone of color is going to be released. Humility abiding in the secret place will prompt the colors of inheritance of life. It’s being activated!--The inner labor of love that is actually none of my doing and all of His. Grace upon Grace. Jesus and I together are enough.

My heart is on the edge of discovery. But the edge keeps going—why is it growing?! Longer edge, so I take greater leaps to get there. I want to fall over the edge…I know Father God is there waiting to catch me. Yet He is keeping me in suspense—ready and willing. Assignments, I’m ready for you! But part of the purpose of this elongated edge is so I will fall, eventtimewisely, into Abba’s arms without expectation of assignment. Will I run over the edge just to know my Savior better and rest in His arms? It’s a free fall, so it’s a free, wild run till I get to the edge of my discovery of Him&I combined. I am ready to go go go. All this being still tires me. But as my physical being rests and “is”-- my innermost being trumpets in a grace-filled, free fall of epic proportions. This fall is release. I believe I can be so restful while the wind of God’s fire love rushes past my decent into the depths of a severe, jealous love embrace. God’s gift of His presence activates the eyes of my heart to be enlightened. The Lord spoke to my mind, “Be ready and willing to have Me blow over you and bring new life into you. Vitality as you’ve never known.”

Back to the “you’s”:

You and Jesus united are enough to satiate your innermost desire to create a complete “you.” This holy communion combination is enough to spark heart-life into reality of being. Cultivate an inner life of enlightened heart eyes.

     
There are colors unimaginable, and yet tangible inside of you. 

Your own splash zone of specifics—as your wild run leaves color footprints that are markedly yours and remarkably able. Each foot plant of your wild run will leave its imprint for the next person to see and know—God is good! He got you that far, and you continued, until the run led you right over the edge, into a waterfall of color, grace, and glory.

                                     
The end of the edge is only the beginning of dreams.

So walk and don’t faint, run and don’t grow weary. Mount up your feet with the gospel of peace and fly with and eagle’s perspective heart of adventure and trust. There’s nothing like the mighty thrill of knowing you can meet the eye of the storm and enjoy—God’s Presence. Knowing Yahweh’s being in yours, no matter the outward onslaught of disturbance.

You have to go inward if you want to be outwardly effective. The inner labor of love that is actually none of your doing and all of His. Grace upon Grace. May your inner being leap to join the ONE your spirit longs for. He is not far from any one of us….

“God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation,  that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we also are His children.’  “Being then the children of God, we ought not to think that the Divine Nature is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and thought of man.  “Therefore having overlooked the times of ignorance, God is now declaring to men that all people everywhere should repent, because He has fixed a day in which He will judge the world in righteousness through a Man whom He has appointed, having furnished proof to all men by raising Him from the dead.” `~ The Apostle Paul speaks to the people of Athens

Update!

https://youtu.be/E31UedTPZ9E

Worthy

Am I worth it?

Who is?

Yet Jesus says we ALL are.

His blood speaks a better word.

The Word

perfumes my halted words of, “but…no…”

YAHWEH speaks,

“In the beginning I was

and you, child, were

on my mind.

I AM

And you are

In my heart, in my spirit, the apple of my eye

I always will be

And you will reign with me

eternal being,

loved eternally.

~I Am and I was-

willing to write my blood into your story

To make you alive to your worthiness

I created you for me.

You are worthy.

For I am above all, in all,

Stamped.

Image upon image of me.

Divinely connected.

My worthiness intersected your sin and made you sin free-

ready to receive.

Just say yes

Receive this God breath of life that gives miry clay meaning

Value

Worth

Just being

You

Connected to the most worthy One, one with the wisdom of the earth

One with the definition of love

This must give worthiness.

For who can share a throne when she hasn’t recognized her place there?

Light in light

In My light she sees light

Source of life connection

Light in light.

Coursing through and meeting--converging--beaming

Meeting each other’s core

Creating light explosions throughout heart reservoirs.~

Worthy to carry the Light?

I (flesh, she, me) am the light of the world.

I (spirit, body, soul where heart and mind meet) am a piece of this united light beam.

I have a place at the King’s table.

I have a place with the King.

I belong here.

He, Jesus, Word made flesh, has made my last first.

Jesus has made “we” to be more than enough.

Jesus has lifted my bent knees to dance.

Jesus has called me Holy, For He is Holy.

And I am just that-set apart.

Set in Him.

Set apart to be set apart.

Se apart to be called apart.

To be called

Worthy.

Take Me Back Dance Video

As I was walking home one day, this song came on Spotify. I'd never heard it before and it really touched me. I started seeing me dancing by the River in a yellow dress. I saw some bits of choreography. As this came to my mind, I grew excited and more joyful, thinking about movement and the meaning of the song. I decided that I was going to capture this almost daily occurrence of "day dreams," inspired by music or sound or light or just an idea and how it effects me. I become more joyful and praise filled in the present moment, as ideas, sometimes abruptly, flash in and out of my mind. This video is a, albeit simple, glimpse into my mind and heart- with a message that hopefully inspires others to dream and break out of the box. Express hope and love through the creative vessel you are meant to be!

https://youtu.be/Yv9sy9WTDxU

New Photography Website!

I'm excited to have just made a photography website. It's nothing too elaborate, and I am by no means a professional photographer. However, I enjoy the art and story of photography and the concepts behind shots. (I'm all about a good metaphor-although I do just enjoy literal shots as well. Most of the shots I have are literal) I also just love capturing beauty. I don't have a good camera, though I'm grateful for what I do have. But hopefully one day soon I'll upgrade. Anyways, hope you enjoy some of my view of the world!

http://graceviews.pixieset.com/

writing on a favorite idea....

As I’m embraced, enfolded, my veins still transport my blood that keeps me alive. Internally, has anything really changed? Cells still tell me to breathe. But now I know the blood is there. Flowing, alive and awakening and comforting. I don’t want it to stop, and my internal organs feel safe.

The power of being held.

That embrace? It just told me you want to be closer to me-either that or you feel obligated to. Closer. Tight. Together. This body, though it cannot control my spirit, is my container for what keeps me alive and wanting for more life, more spirit oxygen.

Let me be plural: The body is precious to people, whether they realize it or not. People will instinctively guard their body, reflexes taking charge when unwanted invaders come close. Small scoots to the side to avoid the awkward light brush of a stranger’s physical being. There is power given to whom we give the honor of holding us close. There is also power in the exchange of the hold. This is an exchange of trust, an exchange of vessels not being ships in the night, but tethering themselves together, partners in the internal world of care and the external world of action based upon this care. 

God speaks to Israel in Isaiah 41 telling the people that he will hold them in His right hand. God wants His presence to be known, to be “felt.” The power of Christ in us is just that, He is with us. Yaweh is not afar off. Creator God’s Spirit is in an eternal embrace with ours. Yet even here we have a choice to receive the hold, this intimate of intimate tethering.

How many times have people been in the same physical space and felt worlds apart? A hold acknowledges the other person’s being- a holder takes time to give, give those muscles, bones, skin, and give that wave of emotion that says “connect me, connect me!” The holder takes time to take as well. To take in another individual, to breathe so close she could catch the other’s breath. This is not something shared by strangers, well, perhaps if you’re on a crowded subway, but there is no intentional hold with this, and if there is, that’s when security is called.

Security. Because a hold from an ill-intentioned person is powerful. It’s powerfully scary. It’s powerfully invasive. The security of being held lies in the trust between the individuals. Because we all know to be held is to be vulnerable.

There is power in holding and being held by another person because there is an effect. Mind, spirit and body are given the chance to flow in rhythm. In that holding moment, once people commit, there’s nowhere else to go! The mind can drift to thinking of other things, but the body print will be there, the hearts are one step closer to each other’s beat. And intentional holds of care can bridge the gap between mind and heart. 

When we think of being held, we think of being loved. Because no one wants to be held while being unloved. This is called abuse. And it’s shaken many people to the core. Because abusive holds are so full of parading knowledge of someone’s being over him or her.

 Knowledge of another person’s being through pure motivations of giving and care and want for connection shoots adrenaline into our souls. In this place of being held with love we realize, this is what we’ve needed all along. This inner power gain, of confidence and self-love, through the acceptance and affectionate care of another being, brings peace to our cells and tells us “right now, everything is alright.” We are empowered through the hold to indeed hold ourselves in higher esteem.

The power of being held is also in the sacredness of the act. The amount, duration, and type of hold differs, as our trust and relationship differs with each human we interact with. Some holds are spontaneously powerful, a moment of exchange that will never happen with that person again. Tragedy brings these types of holders together, as does great rejoicing. Then there are holds that are expected, anticipated, approached with joy and relief. Here is where he or she purposes in the heart: I know this person and this hold are the ones I’ve chosen to affect me the most.

When we feel held and embraced by God’s presence we can say like the psalmist, “In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.” (Ps. 4:8) For God’s hold is the hold of pure love every heart and mind longs for at the end of each day.

To be held is not always to be loved, but to be loved is to be held with a fierce gentleness that transcends body and washes over mind and spirit. God does this perfectly, yet God is not here in physical form. So, Yaweh, our Creator, the One in who’s image we were created, allows us to feel this fierce, caring love through our fellow human beings. A pure hold never lets go. Though the arms untwine, the spirit remains alive, and what was held in the soul is protected in the safe space of our inner sanctuary, where rust and moths cannot destroy. The treasure of our trusting holding of one another will be stored in heaven, as God delights in the purity of our exchange. 

The power of being held. 

A heart's creation. Poetry from within.

"Faithfulness"

You've held me in place. As I walk in curves you've held my edges.

I never fell.
You must have strong arms.
Love makes you strong.

Tripping over the edge-loosing my grip-brief adrenaline, never felt as good as being in the close circle of Your arms.

Circles are for uniting.
No edges.
Circles bring us back to home.
How many times do I have to repent?

Can I just stay in line?
I'm finished with circle walking. Repetitive motion.
Walking forward seems to need Your help, much less, running.

Can I dance this line? May I?
By Your grace, only by your grace, have my corners and edges been brought back into line.
Process = Alignment.
Align me with the dance of Your Hallelujah.

I just want to stop being "brought back" into line.
And be IN line.
All the time.
Accepting that I will fail.
But You will not.

You keep me hemmed in.

Humility accepts my wanderings and asks You to straighten me out. I need Your love discipline.
Your direction brings me to Your chest.
Where I lay.

Encompassed. Laying there I am carried, down the line.
I can no longer try on my own.
Perfectly narrow. Only You can bring me here and get me there.
Only You can perfectly walk the line.
              So carry me.

Glimpse

It feels like those scenes from Star Wars-where the ship is flying through the air at the speed of light, spinning and contorting past the stars. And you get the front seat view as the stars coming flying at you, morphing into one big blob of light. Except this isn’t Star Wars. It’s morning vertigo from a disease you know little of, but it apparently knows you all too well.

“It’s like a bomb goes off in your body” my naturopath said.

“It affects every part of you.”

And I’ve probably had it from childhood.

It affects every part of me? Is this true? My mind wanders. It definitely affects my day to day decisions…it effects my emotions, I admit it, it effects my thinking patterns and how I choose to analyze situations, and I’ve had more than one “spiritual” conversation with God through tears about it…I suppose disease is holistic in its nature, we just like to think it’s contained in a “disease” box.

So I decided to stop ignoring that I have Lymes. It’s o.k. I can love Jesus, believe in healing, see deliverance through my prayers, and have some bacteria in me that needs to be eradicated.

I remember, I was finished with my first semester as a transfer student in Cambridge. I was flying home that day and my friend’s car, the one that would transport me to the airport, had broken down. I had to find a last minute replacement. I texted another new friend I had made in this church community. He wasn’t sure if he could do it…he had to check on some appointments. My heart raced. My body had gotten to the point where exhaustion was an every day experience. I remember one day walking back to my dorm from class thinking I may faint or just stop moving and collapse in the middle of the sidewalk. It was so strange. Confusion and perseverance kept me walking into the dorm, up 4 flights of stairs and into a coma-like fatigued state.

So now, I had a flight to catch, and maneuvering on the T with two heavy suitcases, a guitar, and a backpack, was not going to happen. My mind went to when I did this maneuvering in Norway, through the Oslo airport. I had managed then, I was able. Now…I wasn’t able. And I knew it. How to communicate this? None of these people were really known to me or knew me. I prayed that my friend Will’s appointments could work around my flight. They could. He was coming. Praise God. I remember Will’s comments that I seemed very tired. Yes, I was. I think I mentioned something about lack of sleep due to back problems. Back problems being extreme pain to the point it felt like I was a board of wood that couldn’t move or else a surge of sharp splinters would course through me. I didn’t tell him that.

He dropped me off. I managed to get through the doors, and asked a man to help me bring my luggage to the check in. He was happy to oblige. I have met very nice people in airports. I think the common bond of adventure in travel bonds us.

Tonight my back aches a bit. “On a scale of 1 to 10”…..I hear my nautropath’s voice.

How does one measure pain?

How does a child know that pain and sickness aren’t one time “shots in the dark,” but are symptoms of an accurate, focused bite and suck of an insect? When did I get this disease and its co-infections?  I don’t know. For as long as I’ve known, little Beth has always been “more susceptible” to sickness. That’s just “how I was.”

“I don’t think you were born with a weak immune system. I think you were born fine and healthy, you got bit, and weakness became a new normal for you.”

My nautropath’s words stung, but they gave me hope.

I wasn’t born this way? Should I feel guilty for being relieved that I wasn’t “born weak?” There’s hope that I had the breath of strength and vigor against sickness in me? That I no longer have to assume I’ll get sick too if someone in the near vicinity is sick as well? Questions are still taunting, but they are what have lead me into searching, into seeking the One who has all answers. He has given me hope. He has enlarged my heart with compassion for those living with illness, sickness, pain, confusion. Faithful Friend has brought in that dusting of light beams so that I can see just. that. step. more.

Light came into darkness. And the darkness couldn’t comprehend it. 

Deep Calls Out to Deep

I'm back. In the blogging world. :) New Year. New Joys. More Freedom. Wholeness. Oneness. Here's a poem I wrote a year ago to kick off a new year of what I hope will be encouraging and inspiring posts and social connection via social media. ;) Here's to a "deep" 2016!

Grace and Glory

God who carved my soul
take me and make me whole
I am longing.
Discard
what I do not need
Gain
Your glory. Grace in me-You.
Enough
This side of heaven I can not seem to reach-
enough
Show me your face.
I want to see Love.

Some Words About LIFE In Me

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36

Amen! God continues to "free me up" as I listen, learn, love, and am continually humbled in His presence. I'm learning to be authentic, freed "me," while bundled up and freezing in Boston. Yes, it's cold, yes, we have a lot of snow. I could go on about this, but why bother when you can google "snow" and "Boston" will be one of the first things listed?

GOOD NEWS: I received results back for a blood test for a type of natural killer cell in my body that I need a certain amount of. Having Lyme Disease causes these important cells to be depleted. Before (In June) my count was below 41, and a normal count is above 100. I got re-tested when I went home to CA for Christmas break and my count is now at 93! My heart is rejoicing! This good news has meant a lot to me, as I continue to heal from Lyme's and trust that my God is for me. I will write a blog more on my  journey with Lyme, but that's for another date.

So what is this post about?
Basically, to let you know I'm still alive and very much kickin'--I haven't froze to death.
I love this area.
I love my community (church and prayer folks)
I am learning to love and open my heart to a new community in my life: the staff and students of YWAM Boston. (I am an intern there for my college internship.)
Love, love, love (Beatles song anyone?) continues to be a theme, a thread in everything the Lord speaks to me. As He teaches, I see that thread of love. As I repent, there is immediate love to be grasped. As I am vulnerable to the spirit and obey, God's delighted love fills my soul.
Love. There's no escaping it.
It's the best thing to be captured by.

In the past month since being back in Boston I have:
.Driven to North Carolina with some precious friends to gather with community and hear what the Lord has to say, feel what He feels, and express dreams and prophetic vision.

.Driven back from North Carolina with a vision for A MARCH IN BOSTON FOR, WHAT ELSE, LOVE. This March, on May 1st, will be a culmination of the "Carry the Love Tour" that some YWAM friends, and us student leaders in Boston, will be participating in through March and April. Carry the Love Tour will visit 80 campuses around the east coast and will be in our neighborhood at the end of April. I'm seriously honored to be a part of the call and action to unify Jesus' beloved body of BELIEVERS.
And I'm stoked about carrying a giant flag that says "Carry the Love" along some of my favorite places in Boston.

.Prayed! I am co-leading two prayer sets this semester, which is fantastic. God never fails when we pursue and listen.

.Been in school. It's true, I'm still in school, and graduating in May. (!) The change in my major has been a breath of fresh air, and I'm enjoying this semester quite a bit. I'm a teaching assistant for one of my favorite classes (going back to my teaching "roots") and currently am working on a theme for my senior "capstone" class-which means getting to explore all types of art and come up with a process and project for the end of the year exhibition.

.Visited the Museum of Fine Arts twice (....so far-so much to explore there!), discussed art theory and practice (in one of my fabulous classes) and seen the play "Father Comes Home From the Wars" by Susan Lori Parks. If you're into Civil War history, identity crises, justice topics, provoking drama, good old-time bluegrass sounding music-I would recommend flying out to Boston to see it. Feel free to visit me while you're at it.

*View out of MFA Window*

.Walked through a blizzard more than once. That's just to give me "cool" points. (I can't help the bad jokes, I'm my Father's daughter. :o) )

.Had a mini-vacation on Cape Cod with some special friends and got to see Cranberry Bogs for the first time in my life.

*Kelsey, my roommate, on the frozen cranberry bog*

.Shared life with some wonderful friends. God is flinging wide the door to my heart, to speak dramatically, by valuing me and loving me through friendships. Being an independent person, who has to constantly yield my independent spirit to Jesus, this particular way of loving me has been challenging at times, but very rich in spirit and mind.

.Interning at YWAM Boston, currently writing the blog, working on collecting and compiling information, and planning a garden to be planted in the spring. :o) Here's a link to the blog I write for their website: http://ywamboston.org/features/blog/421-auto-generate-from-title.html Note: I don't write every article.

I shall post some pictures to add to this rather haphazard post. I didn't want to be distant for too long, so I decided to type a quick update for any interested party. ;o) May the peace of God reign in your hearts as you dedicate your days and nights to Him. Much LOVE.

*Rope swinging over the frozen lake*

*My school's main path*

*(This one's for Grandma) Igloo made at and by MIT students*

*Beautiful morning walk to prayer*

 *Preparing to drive in a blizzard*

 *Philadelphia, PA! *

Real Love-Real Dancing

Video Time! 

While traveling to and fro on the T (subway system), this song came up on my phone. My heart was soaring and I was swaying in my seat. I felt the love of God and the joy of being loved and loving him. I thought "I gotta' go home and dance to this!" So-I did. To those who say they can't dance-it doesn't matter folks!! Abandon yourself to the music and love of God. I was inspired to film so you would know-dancers go crazy too, this is not what you call "professional' dancing, it's crazy, fun filled movement cuz I just can't contain my joy! And I want the world to know-it's God's love that has found me, He is real, and my soul exults! (And please laugh at my moves-I'm laughing with you!  ) May you LIVE it up in joy and freedom!  Jesus Party! Turn it up!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QJq5R5ZAe0&list=UU3AB-EB3OT6Ok977ujIGYFQ

Elements of "Home"

I had an assignment in a class leading me to think about home and do something creative with that. ;o) Here is what came of it (I spent about 5 mins on this video, so poor quality, but it's a neat idea to expand on in the future. Link is on the bottom)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When thinking about home I got to thinking of how I created home in every place I've lived. What helps me abide in a place are some of the elements in this video-they come with with me every place I go and whether they are in different forms, I still have: light, candles, culture, Jesus, art, family, pictures, tea, my Bible, music, Javed (my guitar), access to nature,  beauty as I perceive it, freedom to express and move, books, windows. I don't need a lot of stuff to make me feel at home. I need care. People I love and who love me. And I need God's spirit to abide with me in that place. To feel safe. To feel enclosed by goodness and love. The song encompasses more of this feeling of home, as it's by one of my favorite artists, Josh Garrels, and is one of my favorite songs by him. "Pilot Me." Wherever I am, in order to feel home, I need to feel that God is piloting me-he's being the wind in my sails. All I truly need is that. God is my House of Grace. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqLcswpU4yo&list=UU3AB-EB3OT6Ok977ujIGYFQ

When Pain Becomes Embarrassing

Here’s how it goes ~

Lovely people say,

“You seem to always be down with something.”………….. Or

I say,

“I’m o.k., I’m sick.”

They say,

“Again?”

Yes, again. I am not mad at people. I am mad at myself. Mad that I can’t answer in all honestly “I am well.”

It is well with my soul is true-my deposit of joy cannot be robbed from me. But this isn’t meant to be a pep-talk about remaining joyful.

I suppose it’s a bit of a reality check. Checking in with the importance of the body. And hopefully making others more aware of the needs of those around you who are chronically ill.

Mostly this is a way for me to express without having to open my mouth and talk, or have to sit and cry a little. Thoughts down on paper are easier to contemplate and learn from sometimes. They don’t cause as much anxiety when I can see them in black and white, letters forming the thoughts traveling through my conscious thought pathways….I’m in neuropsychology class…my brain in on my mind. Trippy.

So I’m sick. A lot. I have Lyme Disease and a weak immune system (aided by Lyme). I don’t claim this as a permanent reality over my life, so don’t think I’m adding fuel to the morbid fire. I am aware God is healing me, I know one day I will be free of this bacteria. That is GOOD. I am grateful.

AND that doesn’t mean the reality that I have these issues isn’t very real, frustrating, painful, and life disrupting right now.

And sometimes, embarrassing.

I’m pausing and thinking. Why is it embarrassing? To feel embarrassed is to feel foolish. I feel foolish when I am continually answering the “how are you” with the “so-so,” “ok,” “well I’m sick right now….” It feels like by now I should’ve snapped out of it.

But my body isn’t snapping.

Silly body, don’t you know I have plans and purpose? Don’t you know I need you to cooperate? Come on now! But I know you’re trying…it’s not your fault.

Bacteria, gut deficiencies, food, environment- you name it. It’s all against our bodies. Our bodies actually are our friends. My body isn’t my enemy. It’s rooting for me. This well-designed vessel is fighting, every day, all night, 24/7 to keep me up and moving and well.

So why do I feel foolish that my body hasn’t pulled itself together yet? Impatience.

Of course I’m inpatient with pain.

You’re normal Beth.

I feel foolish when I can’t accomplish. When I can’t say “all is well and good!” Like, as a Christian, it has to be that way in order for me to get the seal of approval. I feel guilty when I don’t have energy.

Silly. Yes, silly.

When I don’t have the answer of healing, it seems silly. It seems like faith hasn’t arisen to the “level” it should be. It seems I’m taking advantage of people’s prayers.

Silly. False.

Lies.

The enemy loves to lie to us when we’re “down.” He loves to make us feel foolish. Foolishness can lead to fear. To be a fool for Christ is quite different than to feel a fool because of fear of man, or failure of self. To be a fool for Christ means to lean on your beloved and receive grace.

Receive care. Receive presence.

Of caring people. Of a caring God.

Believing people really care. That is so hard for so many. I’ve been graced to believe people care. But to test this care, to think, there’s a boundary…I don’t want to burst the care bubble….will the care cease after this amount of time? How about now? This has lasted too long, they’ll give up, they’ll grow weary.

Trust. I trust God takes the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. I trust he’s using this silly disease and he’s making me wise and close-close to Him. There’s a God-shaped hole in my sickness, every time. My heart can trust Him- as near, as close, as supernaturally helping. But what trusting that God is entrusting me to others care? What of his help through his children?

I am willing, I am wanting. How do I ask? How many times before I’m seen as a fool? Maybe none. Maybe they’ll keep on loving.

I’m not fond of too much attention. Different stimulants of embarrassment, there’s attention from people and notice-which can just be uncomfortable for me. And then there’s pride.

God-I can’t figure it out. You have to help me. Cuz’ I want the help. I want to be assisted into wholeness. I want care. What I don’t want is be to a burden. But even that you are healing. For in allowing the carrying of my burdens, I am allowing people to love me. This is good. This is grace in action.

The funny thing is…I do have it “figured out.” The answer is Jesus. No, I’m not being trite. Jesus doesn’t lack power in order to be trite. Jesus is real. He is real in my body. He designed it. He loves it.

Would you pour your healing balm out on me Jesus. Pour your healing balm out on those who’s suffering robs their joy, their mind. Jesus, protect us from hating our bodies. Protect us from false thinking. Lead me to the path of refreshing righteousness. Being right with you is what gives me peace. Cells do you sense the peace of my soul? Match to it already!

I’m not sure what this writing is all about. That’s why it belongs on a personal blog-where that kind of writing is allowed. *wink* When I ask you to bear with me, will you actually bear my burdens with me? Can we give them to Jesus together? Even if it’s through prayer…even if…especially if -please pray! I can think of no better asking I can do than to ask for your honest prayers for me. And with that

Continually pray and do care for those that are sick and/or in pain.

Let’s ask God to give us hearts of compassion and grace-filled action. Let’s keep caring. Let’s go into homes and give meals with heart. Let’s listen. Let’s touch. Let’s not shy away. Either way, let’s not shy away. When we’re in pain or when we need to give relief. Let’s not be afraid to look foolish for the sake of love…..

Hence this post.

Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. Romans 15:1&2 (A bit different context, but I think it applies to this as well.)

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Romans 15:13

New News

Time passes by so quickly! Here is the latest and greatest (and in-between that) in glimpses of my life:

Part of the "Diamond in the Rough" Presentation, highlighting sex trafficking and its truths, horrors, and the hope that can be found through rescue and restoration. 

Typical Me: Enjoying the company of flowers

  The sky enrapturing its audience

 Cecile (My roommate's beloved pet--and our fellow roommate)

Beach ten minutes walk from home (I went swimming on a warm day!) 

Longfellow House (as in the poet) 

Friends in the Longfellow Garden

Henna done by Pavithra! 

Getting to wear Pavithra's Indian garb, pretty darn happy about that! Such beautiful pieces.

 

 Purposeful Housemate "Bonding Night" aka making and eating Rum/Cinnamon/Brown Sugar Grilled Peaches and Indian Food! (dancing included)

Three special friends got baptized this Sunday! Amazing testimonies of God's pursuit and the grace God lavished on these individuals. Here are my pastor's, praying over George, a friend who received the love of Jesus and made God his Lord on Easter Sunday of this year. I was blessed to be there when George made a commitment to God then, and was filled with joy and expectation to watch him being baptized and filled with the Holy Spirit. My friend Matt, who I invited to church from Lesley (my college), also was baptized! He had been wanting to be baptized for awhile. His story involves a lot of pain and yet, seeing God's faithfulness in being by his side through being diagnosed with Bi-polar disease, as Matt said, it doesn't matter what disease or sickness he has, God can surpass that and God's love has carried Matt through life with steadfastness. Christian, my third friend to be baptized, spoke of how he knew the significance of baptism intellectually when he was first baptized, but was convicted to let God do a work and change in his heart, further bringing Christian into a "knowing" relationship with his Savior. So GOOD! Thank you Jesus!! 

God is walking me through some changes, and while He's at it I'm enjoying my studies (for the most part), finding that time to study is something difficult to grasp, swing dancing (friends from church came last time and enjoyed it! :oD), dance team practice at Lesley, leading the Christian Fellowship Club on campus, trying to rest, learning to get to the end of myself, missing my family, loving my supportive friends near and far, and dreaming with God and others. Please pray for me for continued healing (from Lyme Disease), abiding joy, sustaining grace, wisdom, and rest. Love always.

Words That Speak (Nature Themed)

Sometimes people give voice to thoughts I have often "felt" or perceived in  my mind but hadn't found language for. Other times I do find the language and I write it down before I forget what I was thinking. ;o) Here are some words that have spoken to me (some of my own as well) and captured my emotions, even if just for the brief time I heard them....

"Edward Thomas said 'Trees and people are imperfect friends,' citing the imperfect nature of humans and the silence of trees. There are however times of harmony. With Lombardy Poplars, for instance, whose thirst and fragility might tempt us to cut them down, but whose beauty gives us pause, they seem to say with us what we could not say perfectly by ourselves, 'I will praise you Oh Lord with my whole heart.'" ~ Robert Adams (Photographer) http://video.pbs.org/video/1239798902/ *Third section 

"We have difficulty replicating what nature can do" ~Mark Dion (In creating a space for a fallen tree in the city)

Bringing people to nature, to be in nature, is where beauty and healing often form a relationship. Humans were made in a garden, and that is where life was breathed into us. We were made to walk with God in beauty. No wonder nature pulls us in. Nature pulls us toward a walk with God. To be with ourselves, in ourselves, to be with the Creator and in His creation, with the One who holds it all in His hands. To hold His hand while He holds it all...including us. Yahweh holds us in beauty. This is healing.~ Beth Brooks (In my journal reflections) 

(In reference to his photography books) "Almost every book begins with a gift. A picture you weren't expecting. Surprise is a part of photography. It's one of the great, enlivening blessings of the medium. At your best it teaches you to try to remain open to new experiences, because the gifts sometimes are really exciting." ~ Robert Adams

Tour de force (but not really)

For those of you who can not come visit me in person, and mostly for my madre': a link to a tour of my new apartment for this school year. :o)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8S_hDPhS_ns&feature=youtu.be


And some pics of my day spent studying on our balcony in the breeze of a wonderful Massachusetts summer day. (The humidity went for four days and thankfully broke some today!)

I AM is Here and I Am Here

I have arrived. Once again. Happily. I was welcomed, by my friend and new roommate Kelsey, "back" to Boston as I saw her through raindrops. Funny to be welcomed back to CA and then back to the East Coast in such a short span of time. And yep, the sky opened up and a summer rain-shower came pouring down right after I popped into Kelsey's mom's car. My face lit up. Refreshing rain in this humidity. And rain just equals a happier me most of the time. To me it was beautiful weather. But then it got better. I spotted a rainbow. A BIG rainbow. All the way across the Charles river. A full rainbow. I texted the fam. Pop replied that it was a sign of God's peace and God smiling on me as I entered Boston. What a pleasant thought-not only that, but what pleasant truth to my spirit. God smiles on me everyday. He smiles on us all, I wish people were awakened to see it.

My apartment is such a nice place, friendly, old-fashioned, family-fueled. This old building has survived many tenants as the Landlords diligently take care of it. I am now a part of this apartment family. And it is a good family. Our landlord "Parents" are a Polish couple, the wife I have met. She likes tea just like me and she drinks it out of a jar sometimes. (When it's iced tea.) We hit it off. She had me taste a leaf. No joke. This lady knows my heart. ;o) The Polish couple's daughter is Agnes. She was my first point-of-contact for this place. She is nice, to the point, and has a wide smile. She has done this so many times before, but she's patient with my questions and has carried a coach, beds, desks, dresser, chairs, and rug into the room for Kelsey and I. (I did not pay extra for this.) I asked about the garden, which is wonderfully wild and free. They shall cut it back when the season changes and I am free to plant some herbs of my choice but "no marijuana." Deal. No pun intended. They already have mint leaves in the garden, so I shall pick them and dry them for the winter.

As the tour has concluded I am left with one of my two new housemates, Pavithra. She is from Indian and went to school to be an electrical engineer. Currently she's a software engineer. She did a fabulous job of explaining to me what she does. My non-engineer wired brain understood more than I didn't understand-a plus. This wonderful woman made me a typical Indian dinner, with plenty of spices from her tin of Indian spices. I was pretty thrilled. She laughed when I took a picture of the spices. We asked each other lots of questions and were both happy to note we are both clean! Whew. In the middle of dinner Stashu came in. He's an older Polish gentleman who has lived and worked here for ten years. He is a friend of the landlords and does work with fences in Boston. He is kind, apologetic for his lack on English (no apology needed), polite, and excited to have other friendly faces here. He smiles a lot and takes our hands and kisses them in greeting and goodbye. He is a true Polish man who was a policeman in Poland and can make a special Polish tea. (!) When I asked about his family, he departed for his room and came back with a photo album of, mainly, his granddaughter. I looked over the album appreciatively and showed him a picture of my nephew, Judah. Stashu also has a little machine that helps him translate Polish to English and vice a versa. We used the machine a bit, and though it is slow, it works.

Changing voices: I appreciate the patience we all have as each of us comes with our own way of communicating and our own voice. I am happy there are three different cultures represented in the kitchen. (Add Kelsey and you have 4!) Stashu says in Polish that I'm a "beautiful neighbor." Pavithra translates the beautiful part and Stashu tells me the neighbor part. I smile. "Yes, we are very close neighbors!" We are all happy. Pavithra says she's never known people who are "as Christian" as Kelsey and I. I think this is the beginning of a wonde

rful, grace-filled, and kind-hearted people filled journey. We have the makings of a beautiful apartment family!

God is good, all the time. I am so grateful. So thankful. He blesses me so well. May you be touched by The Lord's loving kindness in your life.
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him!" Psalm 28:7 and my spirit

I've Been Love Compeled

Mind over matter-Scratch that-God over ALL. 

I sit here, slightly discouraged. (Just finished being really discouraged, but God's hope is never far from me. And so, I find myself writing. ;o) My heart remembers 2 Corinthians 5:14, "For the love of Christ constrains us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead" (American New King James) ~ "For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died" (NASB) 
........... 
"Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight— we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.

 Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men, but we are made manifest to God; and I hope that we are made manifest also in your consciences. We are not again commending ourselves to you but are giving you an occasion to be proud of us, so that you will have an answer for those who take pride in appearance and not in heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf."

More and more and more-I used to feel it a lot when driving my car Shenandoah, I ache to be out of this body and in the arms of Jesus. It would all be simpler that way wouldn't it? This is not a death wish. This is a life wish. I know life more abundantly means more of God. More of His love. 

So here's the deal....

Education wise, this semester has been a disappointment. Here's what I know: I'm not just here for an education. Also know: I'm not just here for an education by this school. Comforting? Absolutely. The friends I have made, proverbial seeds I have planted, awakenings I've been a part of, prayers I've joined, lives I've encountered to bless, challenges I've faced, Thoughts I have realized anew, Strength I have gained, People who have loved me, People who have opened my ears to hear more, insight gained, chai teas and talks I've had, blessed assurances, dances I've danced out to a sweating point in worship, clarity I've gained--all of this is not in vain. All of this is life. It's the day to day. It's me counting the days unto God-not unto myself. I've heard some friends of mine here say "What is this unto?" Meaning, "What the heck is this whole thing we're doing even about?" And "Who is this unto?" Meaning, "Am I doing this with a selfish perspective without even realizing I haven't given up control?" 

I've been "beside myself" this semester. As this has happened, when I'm feeling overwhelmed with the need to please and bless everyone and with the need to do everything right and in the will of God, I have taken it to God and said "I'm beside myself. Help. I love you. I'm beside myself." And God has responded with affirmations of I'm beside you. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Joy. I'm pleased with you. I love you. You are chosen. All wonderful words of truth. I believe them, I delight in God's truth in my life. Without His compelling love-I wouldn't fight and try try try for the best for myself and others. God needs to make my mind sound, because it needs to be sound for you. My mind is a dancer-it moves all day in a choreographed pattern with constant new inspirations--when this mind is overly aware of the fact that it doesn't posses all the answers--the Holy Spirit has to bring in sound-ness. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh what a fortaste of Glory divine. It starts now. Yes, meaning life and all the dreamy and banal stuff. And true life is Jesus. True way is Jesus. Comforting. Breathe. Whossssssh. (That was the sound of me exhaling a big breath-really good for you!)

I'm going to make some tea. Here's the thing: I don't know exactly what I'm doing here. I don't know exactly how I'm to keep going practically speaking. But, actually, I take back the first sentence. Because what I'm doing in Cambridge, what I have been doing in this season and will continue to do in the next, is proclaiming and living divine love. Christ's love control's me. I'm living out divine love, which means I gave up control, took up my "cross," and chose to come under the Lordship of the most loving, awesome, jaw-dropping being. (Oh, emotions are coming up again. I write when I'm emotional-it's healing)--Christ's love controls me. What did Paul say? I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

I'm living in divine love. And when I question what the heck I'm doing and why I'm not just living in my yurt or boat, drinking teas and inviting the neighbors over for yoga, and throwing in some dancing in meadows (by the way, I don't see this as being too much of a stretch for my future)....I'm simply living this life in a mirror dimly, I can't see Christ face to face, yet. I'm proving myself faithful. I'm living in a manner worthy of the call which Christ called me too. That means, in the mundane, I worship. In the frustration, I worship. In the questions and fears, I worship. In the buds of happiness, I worship. In the sharing of my faith, I shamelessly worship. In the compassion of seeing other's pain, I worship. I draw near-for God to draw near. And for people's lives to change through me showing them that God's love compels. Divine love keeps me sane. He keeps me joyful. God rejoices over me with singing. I will never forget that. 

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb 12:1-2) We are seated with him. And we shall never know his suffering. I love you Jesus.