I've Been Love Compeled

Mind over matter-Scratch that-God over ALL. 

I sit here, slightly discouraged. (Just finished being really discouraged, but God's hope is never far from me. And so, I find myself writing. ;o) My heart remembers 2 Corinthians 5:14, "For the love of Christ constrains us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead" (American New King James) ~ "For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died" (NASB) 
........... 
"Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight— we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.

 Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men, but we are made manifest to God; and I hope that we are made manifest also in your consciences. We are not again commending ourselves to you but are giving you an occasion to be proud of us, so that you will have an answer for those who take pride in appearance and not in heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf."

More and more and more-I used to feel it a lot when driving my car Shenandoah, I ache to be out of this body and in the arms of Jesus. It would all be simpler that way wouldn't it? This is not a death wish. This is a life wish. I know life more abundantly means more of God. More of His love. 

So here's the deal....

Education wise, this semester has been a disappointment. Here's what I know: I'm not just here for an education. Also know: I'm not just here for an education by this school. Comforting? Absolutely. The friends I have made, proverbial seeds I have planted, awakenings I've been a part of, prayers I've joined, lives I've encountered to bless, challenges I've faced, Thoughts I have realized anew, Strength I have gained, People who have loved me, People who have opened my ears to hear more, insight gained, chai teas and talks I've had, blessed assurances, dances I've danced out to a sweating point in worship, clarity I've gained--all of this is not in vain. All of this is life. It's the day to day. It's me counting the days unto God-not unto myself. I've heard some friends of mine here say "What is this unto?" Meaning, "What the heck is this whole thing we're doing even about?" And "Who is this unto?" Meaning, "Am I doing this with a selfish perspective without even realizing I haven't given up control?" 

I've been "beside myself" this semester. As this has happened, when I'm feeling overwhelmed with the need to please and bless everyone and with the need to do everything right and in the will of God, I have taken it to God and said "I'm beside myself. Help. I love you. I'm beside myself." And God has responded with affirmations of I'm beside you. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Joy. I'm pleased with you. I love you. You are chosen. All wonderful words of truth. I believe them, I delight in God's truth in my life. Without His compelling love-I wouldn't fight and try try try for the best for myself and others. God needs to make my mind sound, because it needs to be sound for you. My mind is a dancer-it moves all day in a choreographed pattern with constant new inspirations--when this mind is overly aware of the fact that it doesn't posses all the answers--the Holy Spirit has to bring in sound-ness. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh what a fortaste of Glory divine. It starts now. Yes, meaning life and all the dreamy and banal stuff. And true life is Jesus. True way is Jesus. Comforting. Breathe. Whossssssh. (That was the sound of me exhaling a big breath-really good for you!)

I'm going to make some tea. Here's the thing: I don't know exactly what I'm doing here. I don't know exactly how I'm to keep going practically speaking. But, actually, I take back the first sentence. Because what I'm doing in Cambridge, what I have been doing in this season and will continue to do in the next, is proclaiming and living divine love. Christ's love control's me. I'm living out divine love, which means I gave up control, took up my "cross," and chose to come under the Lordship of the most loving, awesome, jaw-dropping being. (Oh, emotions are coming up again. I write when I'm emotional-it's healing)--Christ's love controls me. What did Paul say? I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

I'm living in divine love. And when I question what the heck I'm doing and why I'm not just living in my yurt or boat, drinking teas and inviting the neighbors over for yoga, and throwing in some dancing in meadows (by the way, I don't see this as being too much of a stretch for my future)....I'm simply living this life in a mirror dimly, I can't see Christ face to face, yet. I'm proving myself faithful. I'm living in a manner worthy of the call which Christ called me too. That means, in the mundane, I worship. In the frustration, I worship. In the questions and fears, I worship. In the buds of happiness, I worship. In the sharing of my faith, I shamelessly worship. In the compassion of seeing other's pain, I worship. I draw near-for God to draw near. And for people's lives to change through me showing them that God's love compels. Divine love keeps me sane. He keeps me joyful. God rejoices over me with singing. I will never forget that. 

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb 12:1-2) We are seated with him. And we shall never know his suffering. I love you Jesus. 

Let Love Arise

How do I start this? 

There is so much to say, but so much of what there is to say you can look up a good article, watch a video, read the Bible, listen to someone wiser than me, and get much of what is on my heart. 

It's kinda' a jambalaya of thoughts and feelings....of course. ;o)

Since being in Cambridge I have deepened in my love and awe of snow--while subsequently deepening my dislike for wind. (Seriously? Have you guys really looked at snow, I mean gazed at it's beauty? It shines, it shimmers, it falls in all different directions, it piles softly and sticks like a glazed rock. It cleans, it covers, it twirls, snow DANCES! And bunnies jump out of it-no kidding.) 

I miss the beach. Enough said. 

I drink one or two cups of tea a day...usually chai tea is one of those cups. I bought a bright orange tea pot. 

I have encountered loneliness here. Though I've lived away from my family and friends before, Norway was with YWAM-with other Christians seeking God. Worshiping every day with these friends. Totally different. I thank God I'm an introvert, I can't imagine a poor extrovert having to transfer mid-semester to a college across the United States from home. I like being alone. It's nice to be in quiet, to be with me-to have space to sit and think. But yes, I want community, I long for deeper friendships. I am very, yes very, grateful for the friends I have made here, each step closer to them warms my heart up and makes me realize "she/he IS my friend." My family rocks. Every time I'm away, be it short trip or long stay, the realization of my family's awesomeness splashes in. The waves feel good, but make me miss the face-to-face connection I can have with them. 
     Loneliness. SO MANY BATTLE this. I feel my loneliness is small in comparison with other's-but who said I have to compare? I think loneliness can lead in two directions really, away or towards God. I love God. I really, really, really, really love God. I have come closer to Him. I have danced in my room for him. I have held out my hands in worship, a physical gesture representing my longing inside, and I have ASKED for Him to come. God whispers to me everyday. He is constant. He is the most constant one in my life, I am never without him and I know this. Yes, I've had a few profound encounters with the Holy Spirit while being here, reminders of his destiny and love for me, but also we just quietly draw near to each other. Usually I feel this clarity of His closeness and pleasure after I have danced and proclaimed His nature of love and glory in worship. Then I sit or kneel, and I find myself gazing into Jesus' eyes. Of course, this is through my spirit, I know physically I can not see His eyes...yet. :o)

Sometimes I ache because I want to see Jesus and be with Him so much. My stomach clenches and I can't get the words out, "show me your face God!" It's been a prayer of my life, and it continues to be so. My alone-ness with God is strong and fierce and loving and peaceful. Being alone with God is being cemented in me, day by day. Living here makes it more so. I have truly never felt so complete, and yet I know there is a depth of oneness with God I have yet to reach. Even while typing that my stomach churns...I want to get there. I don't want to tread water, I want to sink. 

Connection with humans. Important. Connection with Christian brothers and sisters. Majorly important. Thank God and thank Kelsey, a new friend here, that I found out about Awake East Coast. This was a conference, held at the YWAM base in Boston, where college students and graduates came together to worship God and truly connect. To come together in unity for the purpose of loving the world through the love of God working in us. 

We're together, coming slowly, steadily though. Event planning for three days in April. Unity events on three campuses to "Let Love Arise." We want to see people see love. We want to hear that people hear love. We want to move in love so people will  be moved by love and see that GOD LOVES. Here's where I could go on and on....

I'm doing a lot. (Go figure) Staying busy, mostly with enjoyable things, that is a plus! I go to swing dancing every Wednesday night. ^^ And at the end of March I'll be at the "Boston Tea Party," a giant swing event in Boston with teachers from all over the world! Stoked. I take college classes that aren't challenging, but good things have happened in them and I've met some lovely folks. As always, I'm frustrated with America's schooling system and our lack of critical thinking skills in classrooms. I'm in two dances with the dance team at Lesley. ^^ I attend as many of the social justice meetings and talks as I can. I go to a marvelous, God-loving and God-fearing church called Hilltop. They have bagels at every service. Free food. About food, this week the joy I had from walking to the grocery and picking out my own healthy food was amazing. I sat in my chair back in my dorm and ate crackers and cheese with a smile on my face the whole time. It's spring break, so the cafeteria's are closed. Happy, but bummed to shell out more dough-of the paper kind. (The school's food plan I'm on is pretty depressing where healthy choices are concerned-I'm trying to deal with that humbly...it's difficult.) 

Money. I've never had money on my mind so much as this semester. Financial aid, calls, prayers, CONSTANT thoughts of "can I afford that, should I go there, I should't buy that, how much do I have, is this a good price, how can I make it, I don't deserve that, I have to give, I can't give, I should work more hours, ..............." Yeah. I do pray, along with my parents about this monkey we call money. He's a tricky thing, swinging round me, elusive and yet in the tree munching faithfully on a banana when I need em'. (Thank you Mom and Pop!) It's late...weird metaphors. This has been a big subject of release, trust, hope, and love for me. Yep, it's all wrapped in there.       On Saturday a couple prayed for provision for me, the words that touched my heart the most were, "And let her believe she is worthy of support." Ouch. My spirit responded in wanting to receive this, though I must say my brain strayed to the thought, "umm there are WAY more important things to support. I should make my own way." Make my own way? Yeah, I don't have a problem doing that in any other area....why is money the one that challenges me? Money can have it's hold. I'm not talking the greedy hold-I'm talking the consuming hold, the block of trust and hope because you're (I'm) too concerned with the thought of "how do I make this work? How do I be responsible?" Responsibility is good. Lack of belief that God loves me enough to provide is not. I'm learning. I feel more released to abide in love and not fear lack of money-for me or my family. Am I being open right now? Yes! Why are we open about other "issues" in our lives but not money. It's kinda' a big deal....

I think I've typed enough. Bravo' to those of you who have held on till now. So-prayer lovely ones. I would love prayer. I am in love with Jesus. Might sound strange, but truly, I choose Him every day. He chose me, and He sees me everyday. I've noticed these days sometimes I wake up and I start singing worship songs before I even realize I am singing. It happens in the middle of the day too. My thoughts were straying to an un-healthy place the other day and suddenly this worship song was playing in my head at the same time-"these two shouldn't be playing at the same time" I thought. So I shut the leading-to-empty thought down. I'm choosing fullness. Please pray that worries, health, pressures, etc will not inhibit me in any way. That I will choose to battle every day-revival is an every day battle....that post is for another time. ;o) Pray for provision for me and my family. Pray I can communicate my heart to my friends. Pray I can communicate God's heart to my friends. Pray for the events we're planning. Pray for every-day faithful revivalists. 

God loves you. Abundantly! 

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12 ~ The longing of my soul. (Pray for Boston/Cambridge!) 

Eating My Roommate's Cookies

      As I write this I am indeed eating my roommates cookies. They are from Trader's Joes and they are yummy. They sit on this shelf in our "living room" (see tour of room-below ;o) ) and tempt me pretty much every day. All that to say, my roommate is a sweet young woman named Allie. But, we don't socialize too much. Different schedules, different lives. I am very blessed to have my own room. And the windows in this building are lovely. We have three especially nice ones in the living room. I have tea. My living situation is quite nice. So-with all of this-how am I? What's life like on the East Side of this Nation? Well, Massachusetts...Cambridge specifically. I'll be short-people are more apt to read short posts anyway. It looks long--but you gotta' count the pictures. ;o)

     So, some pictures to get the idea of how I'm livin' life: 

Snow! New friends. ^^ Beautiful cold snow. A natural store with tea!

    So, life has been good. I have met some sweet girls who have become my pals. We have gone swing dancing-yay! And we've seen Ladysmith Black Mambazo live in an awesome Old Civil War memorial building turned into a theater! As far as classes go, they have been on the up-side, though I'm looking for more of a challenge. Each class size is small, always under 20 people. They are interactive and the teachers are all nice people who enjoy their jobs!! I am in an internship class, so that means every Thursday I am going to an Adult Day Care Center for elderly with disabilities and helping out there. That has been lovely and a highlight. I love the clients and the easy atmosphere there....and it's just nice to get away from college students. I have two jobs, one at a library in a school (go figure right?) and another at Tutoring Plus, where I basically try to keep kids on task as much as possible--not the most fun job, but I'm grateful for it. I am also excited to be trying out different dance routines this week as part of the dance club on campus. They have a great way of running their club, lots of choreographies to choose from and two trial weeks for you to test out the dance before you commit to doing it. So far I'm definitely committed to "You Can't Stop the Beat," a song from Hairspray. It's a fun, upbeat and a wonderfully 60s dance number. (You'll love it mom. We shake and shimmy.) I've been to two different churches so far and brought my girlfriends to one that is very near where I live. That has been so refreshing for me--two Sunday's ago I just let loose in worship and danced for the Lord. 

        I can tell you-being here is different than California. The weather-love it. Yes, I get cold. Yes, I do miss being able to wear next-to-nothing sometimes. Sure, the ocean calls my name. But the air is brisk, not holding me down, I want to walk in it. The snow is gorgeous, and unless you have a car, it's not so much trouble to "deal with." You just keep walking! Sitting and drinking tea has a real satisfaction to it. And the sun isn't burning my skin off--though I admit the wind and cold has chapped it-new lotion from the natural store! And let's not forget, I lived in Norway for 7 months and never got tired of the cold....so I'm doing fine peeps. 

      Emotionally I have been well, missing some peeps from back home, missing physical touch (one of my top love languages) and feeling the need for Christian fellowship. The Christian's I've met have brought new breath to me and I'm so grateful. I have had so many beautiful and meaningful conversations with the friends I've met here-all at different walks of life where faith is concerned. I can see one of the main reasons God has me here is to be light, truth, beauty, and strong love to these friends. It truly is a blessing to give what has been sown so deeply in me. I am walking deeper in my convictions in a place where having certain convictions can be dangerous to one's friendship statuses. "Under a bushel" is not in my vocabulary. However, this doesn't mean I don't get lazy, or don't speak up at times. Continued prayer for wisdom and strength are always needed! God is close, I know. I know I need to draw near, really near, in a place where God culturally is very far. I keep feeling like I'm a visitor here, but I'm here to "be" for awhile. I don't want to start thinking about packing my bags and leaving just yet. I know God has roots for me here. Because GOD'S roots need to abide in Massachusetts.  

       Here is a little poem I just wrote, just kinda' came out--the desires of our hearts always will....

Grace and Glory 

God who carved my soul
take me and make me whole
I am longing.
Discard
what I do not need
Gain
Your glory. Grace in me-You.
Enough
This side of heaven I can not seem to reach-
enough
Show me Your face.
I want to see Love.

love to you all

Tour of Room

It's kind of a boring tour...sorry about that. Pretty much for my parents. ;o) Check out the post below for mailing address and prayer requests!

Click on link for tour of my dorm living.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dPs6YmfCa0&feature=youtu.be

Address&Prayer

(Check out my post: "From Here to There" to see where I am now and what's coming up...)

If you would like to send snail male to me while I'm at school here's the address :o)

Lesley University
Beth Brooks 1038
38 Mellen St.
Cambridge, MA 02138
USA

Some things that I would love to receive miraculous prayer for:

. Finances (And that there will be God's grace as I meet with those in charge of finances to have compassion and help bring me to the best payment options.) I'm believing for miracles in this area, truly, I know money shouldn't hold me back but I have to responsible. I have never been in this position before in my life where that dollar amount loomed in front of me in such a daunting manner. But I know God has told me not to let money be the only thing that holds me back, because He is the God of everything--even that hard thing of money. Amen!

. My Roommate. I have yet to meet her--but I know this will be a special friendship.

. My work-study (I need a good job that can work with my hours)

. My connections with people on campus (Just that God would lead me to the right clubs/activities/people/ and such)

. Christian community and fellow worshipers (God has already begun to answer this prayer through Phil and Linda. They are the couple I stayed with when I flew in yesterday. They are relatives of friends of mine in California. What a wonderful, generous Christian couple! I felt so much peace spending my first night in Massachusetts in their home. It gave me joy as I feel asleep.)

So much love to all my friends and family! <3 p="">

From Here to There

I've returned from Norway. ;o) I did that in June. Well, technically I returned from Switzerland, by way of Germany. :o) On the plane to California I wrote in my journal wondering to God when I would be back in Europe. My heart already missed it as I flew over the Atlantic. Being back for 6 months has brought me through a time of transition. A friend of mine said about transition times, "Ah, yes, Transition is always hard. It's uncomfortable and things come up that you didn't even know were there, but it's only in this time of transition that you can really concentrate on those things." So. True. I feel I have learned so much in this time back home--from God and from myself and through the closer relationships around me. It has not been a particularly fun season, but I've definitely had some hearty laughs and good times. I noticed the laughing more because of the lack of it and realized--I needed to let God really get into my heart and bring back the joy of being free in Him. The joy of being a worshiper. 

     "The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy." Zephaniah 3:17 

Who is like God? No one. I mean, really, He's incredible! No one else satisfies my heart like Him. My pursuit of God, who He has called me to be, and what he has called all His children to do (make disciples) has led me to Cambridge, Massachusetts. Because, there I will be attending Lesley University, majoring in Expressive Arts Therapy. (More on that later) Freedom, hope, love--these are the key words that come to mind when I think about what I want to do with Expressive Arts therapy-how I want to serve others and God and see many come into the Freedom of being surrendered to God. There is a vision, and it continues to be shaped and changed, just as my heart does. I will be going into the school as a Junior and will be living on campus for this first semester. It will be quite the climate change. I am looking forward to it. I miss the snow-truly. :o) 

I plan to periodically share more insights, awesome information I'm learning, and pieces of my heart on this blog as I start yet another adventure! Please pray for me. Please pray for humility and a heart that is always yielded to God--where it doesn't matter if I know exactly where/how/when/who/why--but I know HIM--Jesus, my Lord, Love, Savior, Friend, and Expressive Arts Inspiration. And please pray for my family. We are all in different places in life and literally in location. Pray that our hearts will be encouraged in the individual callings God has for each one of us, and that we can support one another as a family in those callings. That is a heart's desire of mine. From Here to There, back again, off again, out, in...."The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever." Psalm 121:8 (Amen!) 

"Deuteronomy 28:6
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out." And I have been blessed! 
This was just a little "gett er' goin'" post and soon I'm sharing a bit of a video that's a work in progress (a personal project of mine)....check out the following post to come shortly. ;o)

Christmas in California......yep, even swimming in the ocean in December. ;o)

Last Stop: Targu Mures

So.....we left off with me feeling awful, riding in a car on a winding Romanian road. Once we got to the YWAM base in the city of Targu Mures we were able to rest. We then went shopping for food and in the taxi on the way home as I was talking I suddenly realized that I was hearing somewhat of a normal voice coming from my throat. At the same time Camille turns to me and says "Hey Beth, how's your voice? You're sounding more normal." Praise God-it was finally taking a turn to the better! I had been humbled and had to trust God through some awful nights of pain and little sleep and I was so grateful to hear normal tones coming out. God always teaches me through any sickness I have. It never fails that I experience Him more and greater and that I have to depend on others to help me through-something I'm constantly learning to do better within this beautiful community we call "church." Being in Romania again was a blessing, and was difficult. So many people there have no dreams and lack of hope. Most of the students say they want to get out of Romania, go study in America or somewhere else. Economically Romania isn't doing well. Yet, there are shafts of light that spring into existence when God's people choose to love these beautiful Romanian people. Romania was still as beautiful as I remembered and it uplifted my spirits with flowers in the city. The weather was so nice and we were able to wear shorts!! My first time since coming to Norway in September. :o) Here are some highlights of our time in Targu Mures: 

~Teaching English Classes (1st Picture)--I got to lead some English Class for high schoolers! It was nice to be back in a classroom after volunteering for years in different schools. I enjoy teaching and it was nice to be able to do something that just comes naturally to me. The kids were pretty receptive. We had fun and it was quite funny to see their reaction to me being from California. Yep-CA is a glamour, beach, dream spot for them. I told them of CA's beauty and freedom, but I also told them that is wasn't all glitz and glamour. We encouraged them to dream and live with a purpose. We made some sweet friends and got a ton more friends on facebook! Ha. 

~JoEllen, Lief, and myself all went to a hospital with a special ward for tuberculosis patients. (2nd and last picture) We played cards with two teenage boys while Anna, a little girl, colored. It was fun to bring joy and some life into their lives. At the end we prayed for them all (we had a translator). We then sang "Amazing Grace" as we sang and prayed this song I reached out and stroked Anna's hair. I looked over at her and could see and feel her body become more peaceful and she sat and listened to us. It was a "God" moment. 

~Philharmonic Orchestra! (3rd and 4th picture) A little group of us attended the Philharmonic Orchestra right there in the city one of the nights. It was a huge blessing/refreshment for me, as listening to live music is one of my favorite things to do. It brings me closer to God as I appreciate His creativity and the gift of music he has given to us humans. I cried a little while listening and had an amazing time experiencing the music (with a special guest pianist!) with some of my dearest friends. 

~Helping the base out practically (6th picture) We did some work for the Targu Mures YWAM base, I was helping in the garden pulling weeds, the "boys" were making a roof out of scratch materials for the attic, and the fine artists were giving the place a little more appeal. :o) The fine artists ended up painting the world on the walls of the entry way, and also did some decorating of the entry wall mailboxes. It was nice to be able to bless peeps from our YWAM family and do some physical labor. 

There were many beautiful moments with the people of the Targu Mures base. They were greatly encouraged by our creativity. We got to lead worship for them and perform some of the pieces we had put together in Norway. I got to do my testimony dance outside for them and it went pretty well! (We were all relieved since we hadn't practiced much!) We prayed for some of the staff before we left and got to give them some words from the Lord. I ended up dancing for Camille, which was a blessing for me to use my dance the last day we were there. God is good all the time and this time on outreach was definitely filled with His goodness, grace, joy, peace, and love. Praise Him!! And thank you everyone for all your prayers! :o)