Take Me Back Dance Video

As I was walking home one day, this song came on Spotify. I'd never heard it before and it really touched me. I started seeing me dancing by the River in a yellow dress. I saw some bits of choreography. As this came to my mind, I grew excited and more joyful, thinking about movement and the meaning of the song. I decided that I was going to capture this almost daily occurrence of "day dreams," inspired by music or sound or light or just an idea and how it effects me. I become more joyful and praise filled in the present moment, as ideas, sometimes abruptly, flash in and out of my mind. This video is a, albeit simple, glimpse into my mind and heart- with a message that hopefully inspires others to dream and break out of the box. Express hope and love through the creative vessel you are meant to be!

https://youtu.be/Yv9sy9WTDxU

New Photography Website!

I'm excited to have just made a photography website. It's nothing too elaborate, and I am by no means a professional photographer. However, I enjoy the art and story of photography and the concepts behind shots. (I'm all about a good metaphor-although I do just enjoy literal shots as well. Most of the shots I have are literal) I also just love capturing beauty. I don't have a good camera, though I'm grateful for what I do have. But hopefully one day soon I'll upgrade. Anyways, hope you enjoy some of my view of the world!

http://graceviews.pixieset.com/

writing on a favorite idea....

As I’m embraced, enfolded, my veins still transport my blood that keeps me alive. Internally, has anything really changed? Cells still tell me to breathe. But now I know the blood is there. Flowing, alive and awakening and comforting. I don’t want it to stop, and my internal organs feel safe.

The power of being held.

That embrace? It just told me you want to be closer to me-either that or you feel obligated to. Closer. Tight. Together. This body, though it cannot control my spirit, is my container for what keeps me alive and wanting for more life, more spirit oxygen.

Let me be plural: The body is precious to people, whether they realize it or not. People will instinctively guard their body, reflexes taking charge when unwanted invaders come close. Small scoots to the side to avoid the awkward light brush of a stranger’s physical being. There is power given to whom we give the honor of holding us close. There is also power in the exchange of the hold. This is an exchange of trust, an exchange of vessels not being ships in the night, but tethering themselves together, partners in the internal world of care and the external world of action based upon this care. 

God speaks to Israel in Isaiah 41 telling the people that he will hold them in His right hand. God wants His presence to be known, to be “felt.” The power of Christ in us is just that, He is with us. Yaweh is not afar off. Creator God’s Spirit is in an eternal embrace with ours. Yet even here we have a choice to receive the hold, this intimate of intimate tethering.

How many times have people been in the same physical space and felt worlds apart? A hold acknowledges the other person’s being- a holder takes time to give, give those muscles, bones, skin, and give that wave of emotion that says “connect me, connect me!” The holder takes time to take as well. To take in another individual, to breathe so close she could catch the other’s breath. This is not something shared by strangers, well, perhaps if you’re on a crowded subway, but there is no intentional hold with this, and if there is, that’s when security is called.

Security. Because a hold from an ill-intentioned person is powerful. It’s powerfully scary. It’s powerfully invasive. The security of being held lies in the trust between the individuals. Because we all know to be held is to be vulnerable.

There is power in holding and being held by another person because there is an effect. Mind, spirit and body are given the chance to flow in rhythm. In that holding moment, once people commit, there’s nowhere else to go! The mind can drift to thinking of other things, but the body print will be there, the hearts are one step closer to each other’s beat. And intentional holds of care can bridge the gap between mind and heart. 

When we think of being held, we think of being loved. Because no one wants to be held while being unloved. This is called abuse. And it’s shaken many people to the core. Because abusive holds are so full of parading knowledge of someone’s being over him or her.

 Knowledge of another person’s being through pure motivations of giving and care and want for connection shoots adrenaline into our souls. In this place of being held with love we realize, this is what we’ve needed all along. This inner power gain, of confidence and self-love, through the acceptance and affectionate care of another being, brings peace to our cells and tells us “right now, everything is alright.” We are empowered through the hold to indeed hold ourselves in higher esteem.

The power of being held is also in the sacredness of the act. The amount, duration, and type of hold differs, as our trust and relationship differs with each human we interact with. Some holds are spontaneously powerful, a moment of exchange that will never happen with that person again. Tragedy brings these types of holders together, as does great rejoicing. Then there are holds that are expected, anticipated, approached with joy and relief. Here is where he or she purposes in the heart: I know this person and this hold are the ones I’ve chosen to affect me the most.

When we feel held and embraced by God’s presence we can say like the psalmist, “In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.” (Ps. 4:8) For God’s hold is the hold of pure love every heart and mind longs for at the end of each day.

To be held is not always to be loved, but to be loved is to be held with a fierce gentleness that transcends body and washes over mind and spirit. God does this perfectly, yet God is not here in physical form. So, Yaweh, our Creator, the One in who’s image we were created, allows us to feel this fierce, caring love through our fellow human beings. A pure hold never lets go. Though the arms untwine, the spirit remains alive, and what was held in the soul is protected in the safe space of our inner sanctuary, where rust and moths cannot destroy. The treasure of our trusting holding of one another will be stored in heaven, as God delights in the purity of our exchange. 

The power of being held. 

A heart's creation. Poetry from within.

"Faithfulness"

You've held me in place. As I walk in curves you've held my edges.

I never fell.
You must have strong arms.
Love makes you strong.

Tripping over the edge-loosing my grip-brief adrenaline, never felt as good as being in the close circle of Your arms.

Circles are for uniting.
No edges.
Circles bring us back to home.
How many times do I have to repent?

Can I just stay in line?
I'm finished with circle walking. Repetitive motion.
Walking forward seems to need Your help, much less, running.

Can I dance this line? May I?
By Your grace, only by your grace, have my corners and edges been brought back into line.
Process = Alignment.
Align me with the dance of Your Hallelujah.

I just want to stop being "brought back" into line.
And be IN line.
All the time.
Accepting that I will fail.
But You will not.

You keep me hemmed in.

Humility accepts my wanderings and asks You to straighten me out. I need Your love discipline.
Your direction brings me to Your chest.
Where I lay.

Encompassed. Laying there I am carried, down the line.
I can no longer try on my own.
Perfectly narrow. Only You can bring me here and get me there.
Only You can perfectly walk the line.
              So carry me.

Glimpse

It feels like those scenes from Star Wars-where the ship is flying through the air at the speed of light, spinning and contorting past the stars. And you get the front seat view as the stars coming flying at you, morphing into one big blob of light. Except this isn’t Star Wars. It’s morning vertigo from a disease you know little of, but it apparently knows you all too well.

“It’s like a bomb goes off in your body” my naturopath said.

“It affects every part of you.”

And I’ve probably had it from childhood.

It affects every part of me? Is this true? My mind wanders. It definitely affects my day to day decisions…it effects my emotions, I admit it, it effects my thinking patterns and how I choose to analyze situations, and I’ve had more than one “spiritual” conversation with God through tears about it…I suppose disease is holistic in its nature, we just like to think it’s contained in a “disease” box.

So I decided to stop ignoring that I have Lymes. It’s o.k. I can love Jesus, believe in healing, see deliverance through my prayers, and have some bacteria in me that needs to be eradicated.

I remember, I was finished with my first semester as a transfer student in Cambridge. I was flying home that day and my friend’s car, the one that would transport me to the airport, had broken down. I had to find a last minute replacement. I texted another new friend I had made in this church community. He wasn’t sure if he could do it…he had to check on some appointments. My heart raced. My body had gotten to the point where exhaustion was an every day experience. I remember one day walking back to my dorm from class thinking I may faint or just stop moving and collapse in the middle of the sidewalk. It was so strange. Confusion and perseverance kept me walking into the dorm, up 4 flights of stairs and into a coma-like fatigued state.

So now, I had a flight to catch, and maneuvering on the T with two heavy suitcases, a guitar, and a backpack, was not going to happen. My mind went to when I did this maneuvering in Norway, through the Oslo airport. I had managed then, I was able. Now…I wasn’t able. And I knew it. How to communicate this? None of these people were really known to me or knew me. I prayed that my friend Will’s appointments could work around my flight. They could. He was coming. Praise God. I remember Will’s comments that I seemed very tired. Yes, I was. I think I mentioned something about lack of sleep due to back problems. Back problems being extreme pain to the point it felt like I was a board of wood that couldn’t move or else a surge of sharp splinters would course through me. I didn’t tell him that.

He dropped me off. I managed to get through the doors, and asked a man to help me bring my luggage to the check in. He was happy to oblige. I have met very nice people in airports. I think the common bond of adventure in travel bonds us.

Tonight my back aches a bit. “On a scale of 1 to 10”…..I hear my nautropath’s voice.

How does one measure pain?

How does a child know that pain and sickness aren’t one time “shots in the dark,” but are symptoms of an accurate, focused bite and suck of an insect? When did I get this disease and its co-infections?  I don’t know. For as long as I’ve known, little Beth has always been “more susceptible” to sickness. That’s just “how I was.”

“I don’t think you were born with a weak immune system. I think you were born fine and healthy, you got bit, and weakness became a new normal for you.”

My nautropath’s words stung, but they gave me hope.

I wasn’t born this way? Should I feel guilty for being relieved that I wasn’t “born weak?” There’s hope that I had the breath of strength and vigor against sickness in me? That I no longer have to assume I’ll get sick too if someone in the near vicinity is sick as well? Questions are still taunting, but they are what have lead me into searching, into seeking the One who has all answers. He has given me hope. He has enlarged my heart with compassion for those living with illness, sickness, pain, confusion. Faithful Friend has brought in that dusting of light beams so that I can see just. that. step. more.

Light came into darkness. And the darkness couldn’t comprehend it. 

Deep Calls Out to Deep

I'm back. In the blogging world. :) New Year. New Joys. More Freedom. Wholeness. Oneness. Here's a poem I wrote a year ago to kick off a new year of what I hope will be encouraging and inspiring posts and social connection via social media. ;) Here's to a "deep" 2016!

Grace and Glory

God who carved my soul
take me and make me whole
I am longing.
Discard
what I do not need
Gain
Your glory. Grace in me-You.
Enough
This side of heaven I can not seem to reach-
enough
Show me your face.
I want to see Love.

Some Words About LIFE In Me

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36

Amen! God continues to "free me up" as I listen, learn, love, and am continually humbled in His presence. I'm learning to be authentic, freed "me," while bundled up and freezing in Boston. Yes, it's cold, yes, we have a lot of snow. I could go on about this, but why bother when you can google "snow" and "Boston" will be one of the first things listed?

GOOD NEWS: I received results back for a blood test for a type of natural killer cell in my body that I need a certain amount of. Having Lyme Disease causes these important cells to be depleted. Before (In June) my count was below 41, and a normal count is above 100. I got re-tested when I went home to CA for Christmas break and my count is now at 93! My heart is rejoicing! This good news has meant a lot to me, as I continue to heal from Lyme's and trust that my God is for me. I will write a blog more on my  journey with Lyme, but that's for another date.

So what is this post about?
Basically, to let you know I'm still alive and very much kickin'--I haven't froze to death.
I love this area.
I love my community (church and prayer folks)
I am learning to love and open my heart to a new community in my life: the staff and students of YWAM Boston. (I am an intern there for my college internship.)
Love, love, love (Beatles song anyone?) continues to be a theme, a thread in everything the Lord speaks to me. As He teaches, I see that thread of love. As I repent, there is immediate love to be grasped. As I am vulnerable to the spirit and obey, God's delighted love fills my soul.
Love. There's no escaping it.
It's the best thing to be captured by.

In the past month since being back in Boston I have:
.Driven to North Carolina with some precious friends to gather with community and hear what the Lord has to say, feel what He feels, and express dreams and prophetic vision.

.Driven back from North Carolina with a vision for A MARCH IN BOSTON FOR, WHAT ELSE, LOVE. This March, on May 1st, will be a culmination of the "Carry the Love Tour" that some YWAM friends, and us student leaders in Boston, will be participating in through March and April. Carry the Love Tour will visit 80 campuses around the east coast and will be in our neighborhood at the end of April. I'm seriously honored to be a part of the call and action to unify Jesus' beloved body of BELIEVERS.
And I'm stoked about carrying a giant flag that says "Carry the Love" along some of my favorite places in Boston.

.Prayed! I am co-leading two prayer sets this semester, which is fantastic. God never fails when we pursue and listen.

.Been in school. It's true, I'm still in school, and graduating in May. (!) The change in my major has been a breath of fresh air, and I'm enjoying this semester quite a bit. I'm a teaching assistant for one of my favorite classes (going back to my teaching "roots") and currently am working on a theme for my senior "capstone" class-which means getting to explore all types of art and come up with a process and project for the end of the year exhibition.

.Visited the Museum of Fine Arts twice (....so far-so much to explore there!), discussed art theory and practice (in one of my fabulous classes) and seen the play "Father Comes Home From the Wars" by Susan Lori Parks. If you're into Civil War history, identity crises, justice topics, provoking drama, good old-time bluegrass sounding music-I would recommend flying out to Boston to see it. Feel free to visit me while you're at it.

*View out of MFA Window*

.Walked through a blizzard more than once. That's just to give me "cool" points. (I can't help the bad jokes, I'm my Father's daughter. :o) )

.Had a mini-vacation on Cape Cod with some special friends and got to see Cranberry Bogs for the first time in my life.

*Kelsey, my roommate, on the frozen cranberry bog*

.Shared life with some wonderful friends. God is flinging wide the door to my heart, to speak dramatically, by valuing me and loving me through friendships. Being an independent person, who has to constantly yield my independent spirit to Jesus, this particular way of loving me has been challenging at times, but very rich in spirit and mind.

.Interning at YWAM Boston, currently writing the blog, working on collecting and compiling information, and planning a garden to be planted in the spring. :o) Here's a link to the blog I write for their website: http://ywamboston.org/features/blog/421-auto-generate-from-title.html Note: I don't write every article.

I shall post some pictures to add to this rather haphazard post. I didn't want to be distant for too long, so I decided to type a quick update for any interested party. ;o) May the peace of God reign in your hearts as you dedicate your days and nights to Him. Much LOVE.

*Rope swinging over the frozen lake*

*My school's main path*

*(This one's for Grandma) Igloo made at and by MIT students*

*Beautiful morning walk to prayer*

 *Preparing to drive in a blizzard*

 *Philadelphia, PA! *