"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory." Isaiah 61:3
Stability is a good thing. I would describe myself as a pretty stable person. My faith is solid. I know my love-Jesus. I have the blessed assurance of my salvation. Yet I still have pain, I still have hurt, I still have things God wants to heal. I have learned this week that God is definitely not finished with some experiences in my life that have already brought brokenness, revelation, conviction, and healing. The healing I experienced was just the beginning--God has more to do. We are deep people. I've always known this, but, "the depths of my soul" makes a bit more sense as this week I've had to delve into spots I thought I had already found the deepest levels of.
It is a creative week this week at the base, so that means we spend much more time in our respective creative tracks. The dance track had a guest teacher, Sherri, from Seattle, Washington in the States! Sherri is a marvelous dancer, but more that that, she has a marvelous heart to bring healing and she uses dance to allow God to reach into our hearts and pull out our pain so we can sorrow with God and ultimately find healing. Right off the bat we're dealing with healing-which is so much a part of my heart with dance. I basically want to do what Sherri does...and more. :o) We dance out our pain, joy, screams, fears, passions.
Sherri asked us before she even arrived to write a story about brokenness-a time in our life that we have experienced pain and sorrow. I wasn't sure where Sherri would go with this-but boy oh boy God did! When I wrote out my story (which I won't write out here-that's for another time and place) I didn't feel much emotion. I thought, "Well, I felt pain, but it's pretty much dealt with. I've learned a lot." Then came time to read it aloud. Each of us took turns reading our stories....snotty noses and poofy eyes followed. We all released, crying and some shaking as we spoke aloud our pain. I cried for others, I cried for myself. Some stories gave me indignation against those who had hurt the people speaking. The tears felt so...healthy. They were Holy Spirit tears. Tears are a physical release of what's going on inside. They are meant to come out. Have you noticed that when you try to stop the tears your face and neck hurt? Because they're not meant to be kept down! Crying with these beautiful woman was humbling, scary, wonderful, and precious.
Every day in dance class we would start with a fun Zumba warm up, stretching, and then we would do a dance with a theme and story. The first day we wore masks and did a "clown" dance-taking the mask off at the end and throwing it down. It was pretty powerful. After we told our broken stories and were real with each other-the dance room became more open, more open to more healing. The next day we did a choreography the was about holding on to the pain, and finally being real with how we feel. Each girl had a turn at the end of the choreography to be the girl who was still in pain. As the others dance and she stands in pain, they notice her one by one and come over. When it was my turn to be in the middle, as the time came for me to, if I could, vocalize my pain, I just let out a huge breath, then I started crying and breathing really hard. I honestly didn't know I have been "holding my breath" a lot. Treading carefully, fearing for others, trying to say and do the right things. It felt so good to just breath as others held me. I still had trouble trusting that they wouldn't just get tired of me and let me go. But Sherri, our teacher, was so good in teaching us about sorrowing with people-to not jump too quickly into redemption-because then it just gets covered up in a fake Christian band aid that makes us feel guilty in the future when we hurt again.
The third day we danced a dance called "Beauty from Pain." Everyone was really feeling this song. The choreography is beautiful and really makes sense in your body as you dance what you feel. As I was dancing it dawned on me more and more that I did have pain that God wanted to heal. Sometimes in dance class I wasn't sure why I was crying. But I'm learning God is uncovering lies I believe about myself. And those lies have created fear in my life. I have been confronting my feelings of shame this week-a lot. At the end of beauty from pain we lift our heart, or wherever our pain stems from, up to God. One girl brought the pain from deep within her gut-she tensed and pulled her arms up from her side, somewhere way down. It was powerful. Another beautiful sister danced the whole dance in tears. It was a dance just for Jesus and her. She danced in the pain and told God her story. It was so. so. beautiful.
On Thursday we had to confront the lies that pretty much every woman on the planet deals with about being beautiful. Sherri called it the mirror dance. We had to dance staring at ourselves in the mirror. At the end of the dance, three girls would be the ones who didn't believe they were beautiful and the others would go and lift up their heads, tell them they were beautiful and gently move their heads to look at themselves in the mirror. Then we would switch girls. Even remembering this is bringing up emotions in me now. The second time I did it being the one who was receiving, my beautiful friend Anna lifted my head, whispered I was beautiful and turned my head toward the mirror. I was far back in the room....so she started moving me closer and closer to the mirror. I shook my head and let her, knowing it was God pushing me toward the mirror to see into the eyes he has created. We were looking into our souls. I broke down. I couldn't keep standing, I sat down in Anna's embrace and bawled, loudly. Anna's arms held me firmly, they were a grace-filled extension of God's arms. I keep using the adjective beautiful, but that whole day truly was. Anna's arms, my crying, Sherri crying as I cried- moved by the beauty of brokenness, freedom, movement of ladies dancing for Jesus.
This morning we had our showcase. Before we performed a piece called "Let me Go" (which hopefully I can post sometime) and "Beauty from Pain" we had had an assignment to write on index cards encouraging words for each other. All of us read our card aloud to each other. It was amazing how God confirmed his themes in our lives through the cards and it was so tender and awesome to watch each girl receive love through words, pictures, and hugs. The words I received are in my Bible and will truly be treasured always, as they are from God, and from some wonderful woman who love and who are fierce. These women are warriors and I'm so proud to know them.
Our dancing moved and impressed people. There were lots of exclamations of "wow" after we danced. It felt empowering and so good to give even as I received through dancing. I got to talk to the DTS before we performed and told them what our week had been like. I told them something like this: "1 Peter 2:4&5 says, 'And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.' Us dancers came with stones inside of us, stones feeling like dead weight inside. But God is making us living stones. We are in the middle of healing. We have sorrowed, and will sorrow with Jesus. Sherri has reminded us that we can't rush the healing process and we won't cover over our wounds, but we have to allow God to spend the time on healing. For it's there we grow closer to Jesus and experience Him more fully. And the joy is so much better in the end."
So-you may be thinking-whoa-that was a lot. Exactly. Think how I feel! There's even more. But this is what's on my heart to share. Thank you for your prayers-they've obviously been working! God is good. This week has been...good. Filled with Him. In my private time with just Jesus and me I listened to the song "Just say Yes" by Snow Patrol. I started crying and felt the power of just saying Yes to love. I realized it was God's love that was uncovering and making me realize and feel my pain and fear. It's His mercy that allows me to see, so we can walk through this together. Jesus just wants to be with me. I didn't realized how deep my soul is! More space in there means more Jesus. Deep in calling out to deep......that's love.
Every day in dance class we would start with a fun Zumba warm up, stretching, and then we would do a dance with a theme and story. The first day we wore masks and did a "clown" dance-taking the mask off at the end and throwing it down. It was pretty powerful. After we told our broken stories and were real with each other-the dance room became more open, more open to more healing. The next day we did a choreography the was about holding on to the pain, and finally being real with how we feel. Each girl had a turn at the end of the choreography to be the girl who was still in pain. As the others dance and she stands in pain, they notice her one by one and come over. When it was my turn to be in the middle, as the time came for me to, if I could, vocalize my pain, I just let out a huge breath, then I started crying and breathing really hard. I honestly didn't know I have been "holding my breath" a lot. Treading carefully, fearing for others, trying to say and do the right things. It felt so good to just breath as others held me. I still had trouble trusting that they wouldn't just get tired of me and let me go. But Sherri, our teacher, was so good in teaching us about sorrowing with people-to not jump too quickly into redemption-because then it just gets covered up in a fake Christian band aid that makes us feel guilty in the future when we hurt again.
The third day we danced a dance called "Beauty from Pain." Everyone was really feeling this song. The choreography is beautiful and really makes sense in your body as you dance what you feel. As I was dancing it dawned on me more and more that I did have pain that God wanted to heal. Sometimes in dance class I wasn't sure why I was crying. But I'm learning God is uncovering lies I believe about myself. And those lies have created fear in my life. I have been confronting my feelings of shame this week-a lot. At the end of beauty from pain we lift our heart, or wherever our pain stems from, up to God. One girl brought the pain from deep within her gut-she tensed and pulled her arms up from her side, somewhere way down. It was powerful. Another beautiful sister danced the whole dance in tears. It was a dance just for Jesus and her. She danced in the pain and told God her story. It was so. so. beautiful.
On Thursday we had to confront the lies that pretty much every woman on the planet deals with about being beautiful. Sherri called it the mirror dance. We had to dance staring at ourselves in the mirror. At the end of the dance, three girls would be the ones who didn't believe they were beautiful and the others would go and lift up their heads, tell them they were beautiful and gently move their heads to look at themselves in the mirror. Then we would switch girls. Even remembering this is bringing up emotions in me now. The second time I did it being the one who was receiving, my beautiful friend Anna lifted my head, whispered I was beautiful and turned my head toward the mirror. I was far back in the room....so she started moving me closer and closer to the mirror. I shook my head and let her, knowing it was God pushing me toward the mirror to see into the eyes he has created. We were looking into our souls. I broke down. I couldn't keep standing, I sat down in Anna's embrace and bawled, loudly. Anna's arms held me firmly, they were a grace-filled extension of God's arms. I keep using the adjective beautiful, but that whole day truly was. Anna's arms, my crying, Sherri crying as I cried- moved by the beauty of brokenness, freedom, movement of ladies dancing for Jesus.
This morning we had our showcase. Before we performed a piece called "Let me Go" (which hopefully I can post sometime) and "Beauty from Pain" we had had an assignment to write on index cards encouraging words for each other. All of us read our card aloud to each other. It was amazing how God confirmed his themes in our lives through the cards and it was so tender and awesome to watch each girl receive love through words, pictures, and hugs. The words I received are in my Bible and will truly be treasured always, as they are from God, and from some wonderful woman who love and who are fierce. These women are warriors and I'm so proud to know them.
Our dancing moved and impressed people. There were lots of exclamations of "wow" after we danced. It felt empowering and so good to give even as I received through dancing. I got to talk to the DTS before we performed and told them what our week had been like. I told them something like this: "1 Peter 2:4&5 says, 'And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.' Us dancers came with stones inside of us, stones feeling like dead weight inside. But God is making us living stones. We are in the middle of healing. We have sorrowed, and will sorrow with Jesus. Sherri has reminded us that we can't rush the healing process and we won't cover over our wounds, but we have to allow God to spend the time on healing. For it's there we grow closer to Jesus and experience Him more fully. And the joy is so much better in the end."
So-you may be thinking-whoa-that was a lot. Exactly. Think how I feel! There's even more. But this is what's on my heart to share. Thank you for your prayers-they've obviously been working! God is good. This week has been...good. Filled with Him. In my private time with just Jesus and me I listened to the song "Just say Yes" by Snow Patrol. I started crying and felt the power of just saying Yes to love. I realized it was God's love that was uncovering and making me realize and feel my pain and fear. It's His mercy that allows me to see, so we can walk through this together. Jesus just wants to be with me. I didn't realized how deep my soul is! More space in there means more Jesus. Deep in calling out to deep......that's love.
deep calls to deep
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light to Lightmaker
grace to Grace Giver
That is so cool and sweet, thanks Pop!
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