Don't be Afraid to Burn

     Tuesday night we had just finished teaching and I was happy to find "Time" magazine sitting on the table in the living room. An American magazine! And one that would inform me what was going on in the world! I began reading, already feeling more comfortable now that I was sitting being "informed." On the second page there was a little paragraph down in the left corner about the Taliban shooting two teenage girls. It said simply that the Taliban had aimed for a 14 year old girl who had talked about what life was like under the Taliban 3 years earlier when she was 11 on some news channel-so they had been targeting her all these years. They actually missed her and shot her two friends....that was it. That's what I read. An actually pretty typical story with all the horrors that go on in our world. I've read stories like this many times. 

    But I felt this burning inside. This anger. I looked up and said, "uhhhhhhh!" My two friends on the couch were very gracious when I explained. They said it was o.k. to feel upset. I had this feeling like I needed to respond some way, but I flipped through the magazine and tried to read some other stuff. Usually when I start to feel this way after reading something like that, I pray and then move on. But I felt uncomfortable and wanted someone to pray with or just feel with. I got up and decided I needed to go pray in my room or something. I thought of praying with Jena, the staff in charge of intercession, but didn't know where she was. "I might cry," I thought as I felt that sense starting. So I went downstairs to the studio, hoping no one would be in there. Turns out Jena was in the studio. I showed her the article and as she read tears started flowing from me. I asked her to pray with me and as she took my hands and as we came before the Lord the tears started coming from deep within. I started shaking and feeling sick and there was definitely.... a lot of snot. I knew God was giving me his heart. Jena and I prayed and we brought the girls, the surviving girl, the nation of Pakistan, and the Taliban to Jesus. We prayed at the end that God's love would save-that His love would be seen as truth and that His love would bring freedom to the Taliban soldiers and the 14 year old girl. 

    It's awesome to receive God's heart....and it's hard. It didn't feel "good" to have those reactions to God's heart going around in my body, but my spirit felt connected to Christ-and that part of me did feel good. I was actually encouraged by God's love, as I just experienced a small portion of what God was feeling. Those girls are not forgotten  God knows them, they are eternal to Him and He cares about each news story out there-because He cares about each person on this planet. I felt peaceful as Jena and I ended our interceding time. Jena thanked me for being faithful to respond to what God had put on my heart. "Well, at first I didn't!" I said. I knew "two is better than one" and that having two or more agreeing in prayer is important, but I still had the thought of, "Who do I go to? What do I do with this?" It's so much easier for me in my own room, feeling the pain of God, or the joy of God and praying with just me and Him....but God has created us for partnership, for community. Jena then said to me, "Don't be afraid to burn." 

    Whoa. That hit me. I wasn't afraid to feel God's heart, I pray for that, though I understand it's a huge thing I'm asking and it's hard to handle. But I do become afraid to "burn" with God's heart, and with passion when I'm with people. It sounds ridiculous, but I actually can feel guilty when I display passion for Jesus in front of my Christian friends because they don't always have the feelings to match, or they don't know how to respond. But the thing is-that's o.k. We just need people to grasp hands together and support each other in prayer. If one is feeling led to pray for something, the other doesn't have to cry and feel passion for it-but by agreeing and supporting  in prayer we are fulfilling the Bible's command to carry one another's burdens. There are no "super Christians," there's just those who are available to God-who are ready to receive His heart. When you're open to God, He's open with you. 

    This morning in our small group my friend David said, "This morning  when I was praying I asked God for the first time how He was feeling." So good! David said we give God our feelings, but we don't think about asking Him what He's feeling. God feels all the time-He loves us, He is moved by us. Later today we had a sharing time of wounds in our lives. (We had each made a "redemptive art piece" that represented our situation.) David turned to me in the middle of it and said, "I think because I prayed this morning, 'God what are you feeling,' He is showing me, because usually I'm better with my emotions, but I'm feeling for the other people more." I replied, "You mean you're 'better' now, cuz' this is the way God wants you." He nodded-yep-that's the way God wants us.  God is compassionate, God is loving, God's heart burns. Ask Him about His heart sometime....and don't be afraid to burn.