Let Love Arise

How do I start this? 

There is so much to say, but so much of what there is to say you can look up a good article, watch a video, read the Bible, listen to someone wiser than me, and get much of what is on my heart. 

It's kinda' a jambalaya of thoughts and feelings....of course. ;o)

Since being in Cambridge I have deepened in my love and awe of snow--while subsequently deepening my dislike for wind. (Seriously? Have you guys really looked at snow, I mean gazed at it's beauty? It shines, it shimmers, it falls in all different directions, it piles softly and sticks like a glazed rock. It cleans, it covers, it twirls, snow DANCES! And bunnies jump out of it-no kidding.) 

I miss the beach. Enough said. 

I drink one or two cups of tea a day...usually chai tea is one of those cups. I bought a bright orange tea pot. 

I have encountered loneliness here. Though I've lived away from my family and friends before, Norway was with YWAM-with other Christians seeking God. Worshiping every day with these friends. Totally different. I thank God I'm an introvert, I can't imagine a poor extrovert having to transfer mid-semester to a college across the United States from home. I like being alone. It's nice to be in quiet, to be with me-to have space to sit and think. But yes, I want community, I long for deeper friendships. I am very, yes very, grateful for the friends I have made here, each step closer to them warms my heart up and makes me realize "she/he IS my friend." My family rocks. Every time I'm away, be it short trip or long stay, the realization of my family's awesomeness splashes in. The waves feel good, but make me miss the face-to-face connection I can have with them. 
     Loneliness. SO MANY BATTLE this. I feel my loneliness is small in comparison with other's-but who said I have to compare? I think loneliness can lead in two directions really, away or towards God. I love God. I really, really, really, really love God. I have come closer to Him. I have danced in my room for him. I have held out my hands in worship, a physical gesture representing my longing inside, and I have ASKED for Him to come. God whispers to me everyday. He is constant. He is the most constant one in my life, I am never without him and I know this. Yes, I've had a few profound encounters with the Holy Spirit while being here, reminders of his destiny and love for me, but also we just quietly draw near to each other. Usually I feel this clarity of His closeness and pleasure after I have danced and proclaimed His nature of love and glory in worship. Then I sit or kneel, and I find myself gazing into Jesus' eyes. Of course, this is through my spirit, I know physically I can not see His eyes...yet. :o)

Sometimes I ache because I want to see Jesus and be with Him so much. My stomach clenches and I can't get the words out, "show me your face God!" It's been a prayer of my life, and it continues to be so. My alone-ness with God is strong and fierce and loving and peaceful. Being alone with God is being cemented in me, day by day. Living here makes it more so. I have truly never felt so complete, and yet I know there is a depth of oneness with God I have yet to reach. Even while typing that my stomach churns...I want to get there. I don't want to tread water, I want to sink. 

Connection with humans. Important. Connection with Christian brothers and sisters. Majorly important. Thank God and thank Kelsey, a new friend here, that I found out about Awake East Coast. This was a conference, held at the YWAM base in Boston, where college students and graduates came together to worship God and truly connect. To come together in unity for the purpose of loving the world through the love of God working in us. 

We're together, coming slowly, steadily though. Event planning for three days in April. Unity events on three campuses to "Let Love Arise." We want to see people see love. We want to hear that people hear love. We want to move in love so people will  be moved by love and see that GOD LOVES. Here's where I could go on and on....

I'm doing a lot. (Go figure) Staying busy, mostly with enjoyable things, that is a plus! I go to swing dancing every Wednesday night. ^^ And at the end of March I'll be at the "Boston Tea Party," a giant swing event in Boston with teachers from all over the world! Stoked. I take college classes that aren't challenging, but good things have happened in them and I've met some lovely folks. As always, I'm frustrated with America's schooling system and our lack of critical thinking skills in classrooms. I'm in two dances with the dance team at Lesley. ^^ I attend as many of the social justice meetings and talks as I can. I go to a marvelous, God-loving and God-fearing church called Hilltop. They have bagels at every service. Free food. About food, this week the joy I had from walking to the grocery and picking out my own healthy food was amazing. I sat in my chair back in my dorm and ate crackers and cheese with a smile on my face the whole time. It's spring break, so the cafeteria's are closed. Happy, but bummed to shell out more dough-of the paper kind. (The school's food plan I'm on is pretty depressing where healthy choices are concerned-I'm trying to deal with that humbly...it's difficult.) 

Money. I've never had money on my mind so much as this semester. Financial aid, calls, prayers, CONSTANT thoughts of "can I afford that, should I go there, I should't buy that, how much do I have, is this a good price, how can I make it, I don't deserve that, I have to give, I can't give, I should work more hours, ..............." Yeah. I do pray, along with my parents about this monkey we call money. He's a tricky thing, swinging round me, elusive and yet in the tree munching faithfully on a banana when I need em'. (Thank you Mom and Pop!) It's late...weird metaphors. This has been a big subject of release, trust, hope, and love for me. Yep, it's all wrapped in there.       On Saturday a couple prayed for provision for me, the words that touched my heart the most were, "And let her believe she is worthy of support." Ouch. My spirit responded in wanting to receive this, though I must say my brain strayed to the thought, "umm there are WAY more important things to support. I should make my own way." Make my own way? Yeah, I don't have a problem doing that in any other area....why is money the one that challenges me? Money can have it's hold. I'm not talking the greedy hold-I'm talking the consuming hold, the block of trust and hope because you're (I'm) too concerned with the thought of "how do I make this work? How do I be responsible?" Responsibility is good. Lack of belief that God loves me enough to provide is not. I'm learning. I feel more released to abide in love and not fear lack of money-for me or my family. Am I being open right now? Yes! Why are we open about other "issues" in our lives but not money. It's kinda' a big deal....

I think I've typed enough. Bravo' to those of you who have held on till now. So-prayer lovely ones. I would love prayer. I am in love with Jesus. Might sound strange, but truly, I choose Him every day. He chose me, and He sees me everyday. I've noticed these days sometimes I wake up and I start singing worship songs before I even realize I am singing. It happens in the middle of the day too. My thoughts were straying to an un-healthy place the other day and suddenly this worship song was playing in my head at the same time-"these two shouldn't be playing at the same time" I thought. So I shut the leading-to-empty thought down. I'm choosing fullness. Please pray that worries, health, pressures, etc will not inhibit me in any way. That I will choose to battle every day-revival is an every day battle....that post is for another time. ;o) Pray for provision for me and my family. Pray I can communicate my heart to my friends. Pray I can communicate God's heart to my friends. Pray for the events we're planning. Pray for every-day faithful revivalists. 

God loves you. Abundantly! 

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12 ~ The longing of my soul. (Pray for Boston/Cambridge!)