Don't be Afraid to Burn

     Tuesday night we had just finished teaching and I was happy to find "Time" magazine sitting on the table in the living room. An American magazine! And one that would inform me what was going on in the world! I began reading, already feeling more comfortable now that I was sitting being "informed." On the second page there was a little paragraph down in the left corner about the Taliban shooting two teenage girls. It said simply that the Taliban had aimed for a 14 year old girl who had talked about what life was like under the Taliban 3 years earlier when she was 11 on some news channel-so they had been targeting her all these years. They actually missed her and shot her two friends....that was it. That's what I read. An actually pretty typical story with all the horrors that go on in our world. I've read stories like this many times. 

    But I felt this burning inside. This anger. I looked up and said, "uhhhhhhh!" My two friends on the couch were very gracious when I explained. They said it was o.k. to feel upset. I had this feeling like I needed to respond some way, but I flipped through the magazine and tried to read some other stuff. Usually when I start to feel this way after reading something like that, I pray and then move on. But I felt uncomfortable and wanted someone to pray with or just feel with. I got up and decided I needed to go pray in my room or something. I thought of praying with Jena, the staff in charge of intercession, but didn't know where she was. "I might cry," I thought as I felt that sense starting. So I went downstairs to the studio, hoping no one would be in there. Turns out Jena was in the studio. I showed her the article and as she read tears started flowing from me. I asked her to pray with me and as she took my hands and as we came before the Lord the tears started coming from deep within. I started shaking and feeling sick and there was definitely.... a lot of snot. I knew God was giving me his heart. Jena and I prayed and we brought the girls, the surviving girl, the nation of Pakistan, and the Taliban to Jesus. We prayed at the end that God's love would save-that His love would be seen as truth and that His love would bring freedom to the Taliban soldiers and the 14 year old girl. 

    It's awesome to receive God's heart....and it's hard. It didn't feel "good" to have those reactions to God's heart going around in my body, but my spirit felt connected to Christ-and that part of me did feel good. I was actually encouraged by God's love, as I just experienced a small portion of what God was feeling. Those girls are not forgotten  God knows them, they are eternal to Him and He cares about each news story out there-because He cares about each person on this planet. I felt peaceful as Jena and I ended our interceding time. Jena thanked me for being faithful to respond to what God had put on my heart. "Well, at first I didn't!" I said. I knew "two is better than one" and that having two or more agreeing in prayer is important, but I still had the thought of, "Who do I go to? What do I do with this?" It's so much easier for me in my own room, feeling the pain of God, or the joy of God and praying with just me and Him....but God has created us for partnership, for community. Jena then said to me, "Don't be afraid to burn." 

    Whoa. That hit me. I wasn't afraid to feel God's heart, I pray for that, though I understand it's a huge thing I'm asking and it's hard to handle. But I do become afraid to "burn" with God's heart, and with passion when I'm with people. It sounds ridiculous, but I actually can feel guilty when I display passion for Jesus in front of my Christian friends because they don't always have the feelings to match, or they don't know how to respond. But the thing is-that's o.k. We just need people to grasp hands together and support each other in prayer. If one is feeling led to pray for something, the other doesn't have to cry and feel passion for it-but by agreeing and supporting  in prayer we are fulfilling the Bible's command to carry one another's burdens. There are no "super Christians," there's just those who are available to God-who are ready to receive His heart. When you're open to God, He's open with you. 

    This morning in our small group my friend David said, "This morning  when I was praying I asked God for the first time how He was feeling." So good! David said we give God our feelings, but we don't think about asking Him what He's feeling. God feels all the time-He loves us, He is moved by us. Later today we had a sharing time of wounds in our lives. (We had each made a "redemptive art piece" that represented our situation.) David turned to me in the middle of it and said, "I think because I prayed this morning, 'God what are you feeling,' He is showing me, because usually I'm better with my emotions, but I'm feeling for the other people more." I replied, "You mean you're 'better' now, cuz' this is the way God wants you." He nodded-yep-that's the way God wants us.  God is compassionate, God is loving, God's heart burns. Ask Him about His heart sometime....and don't be afraid to burn. 

Day in and Day Out

Wanna' know more about the day to day of life in Norway for us YWAMers? Well here's a glimpse into my day (on a week day) ;o).....

6:00-6:15am-Roommate's alarm goes off...I pray she'll wake up and stop it

6:30-Other Roommate's alarm goes off to awaken her and myself

7:00-Breakfast (Bread and cereal provided every morning. A popular morning breakfast is the Norwegian version of Nutella, Nugati (New-got-e) and cheese...yep you read correctly-cheese and chocolate together....I try not to think about it.) 

7:30-Chores: My chore is to make tea and coffee and set it up in the boxes to take down to teaching. It's an easy job, but actually takes awhile-it's rather nice. 

8:00-Powertime (This is time for just you and Jesus. We are going through the Proverbs in Oct and writing about each one in our journal for a "book report.")

9:00-Depending on the day we have either worship and devotion, intercession, family time, or small group intercession. Today was family time, since it's a Wednesday and we carved pumpkins. 

10:00-Teaching (During a teaching week-we're in our third week of teaching this week.) We walk to the church about two blocks from the base and make ourselves comfortable for teaching. We've had the subjects of "Knowing God and making Him Known," "Kingdom Principles," and "Art and the Artist in God's perspective." 

12:00-Lunch (we also have breaks-Norwegians are big on breaks) We pack our lunches, so this is usually sandwhichs, unless you're the lucky duck who bought other food and made it the day before. 

1:45-Walk back to base and depending on the day we're either...in artist date (which means an hour with just you and your art), one on ones (staff with a student time), small groups or chores. 

4:00-Dinner time! We had pizza today, which made me a bit nostalgic. It was quite nice.

4:45-After dinner announcements we have free time usually (unless you have dinner dishes that week. blah.) This means though that you probably need to do some good ol' homework. And it's actually good stuff. We're reading a book by Lauren Cunningham which a book report is done on, and we sometimes get different assignments we're supposed to do. For instance, I just finished an art project based on a time in my life when I was wounded and didn't understand what was going on. Everyone had to make a tangible piece of art. 

(Mondays I have dance technique at 5:30, Tues we have teaching and worship at 6:30, and every other Friday I have my serving the community group)

8:00-Supper: More bread, more cereal...yeah it's nice when you have other food...

I usually go to sleep around 11:00, though going to sleep before then is rather nice. All in-between there are spontaneous happenings.....like Zumba, walks with friends to the mall, a great conversation with someone in the living room, watch funny things online together, play music in the studio, share music, dance in the kitchen  play "futbol" aka soccer, laugh, cry, let God move! 

And there you have it-a little bit more of what's happening logistically for those of you interested in that kind of stuff. 

:o) "Day by Day-Oh Dear Lord three things I pray, to see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly, follow thee more nearly day by day."

 

WORSHIP

       This Friday I was privileged to lead worship for usins' at the DTS. I had signed up to lead worship the week before and was asked on Wednesday if I could lead Friday morning. Didn't think it would come up so soon! I'm not new to leading worship, but my nerves still came up because my talent in guitar is far below many of the people here so I grow self conscious and I still get nervous when singing in front of people. I was excited though, and I thought God was saying, "yep, let's go!" So I said yes. :o) I asked a fellow student, Jonathon (From Switzerland), if he would play the djembe (drum) with my guitar. We practiced Thursday night and just during practice I felt the presence of God and was encouraged by Jonathon's heart for Jesus. I told him I'd probably stop and just have time of music or I might sing in the Spirit (sing out words that were Holy Spirit inspired). He said, "Yes, yes, that's how it should be!" Then he said, "Why don't you do this right now?" I was a bit taken aback, but I felt this was from God, so I just started singing and God gave me words to sing for Jonathon. It was so encouraging and good. 
           Friday morning Jonathon and I prayed and I told him I was a bit nervous, but I was just going to worship God. He said, "Yep! You just sing from your heart. You're fine." The night before He had said, "I have Jesus, so when I walk into a room, I bring heaven with me." His confidence in Christ and the authority he walks in was great for me to be around! We started out by prophesying over Jonathon's girlfriend who is leaving for China in two weeks. She wasn't actually there, so we filmed ourselves to send to her. It was a blessed way to start out. I started playing and singing and just being with God-leading others into His presence. I was swept away. God is so good. Sometimes we just sang with the drums, we were silent, we clapped, we were still, (I sang in the Spirit about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and how they weren't alone in the fire-Jesus was the forth man in the fire. Later that night some of us were at a youth service, the preaching was about...Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego...yep, how God was with them in the fire.) I sang from my lungs. When I lead worship, there's something about my desire for Jesus that just expands. I think it's because I'm wanting Him not just for me, but for the others in the room as well. And having the honor to lead others-I just am mega blessed! Calling down heaven and calling out to Jesus-pouring out my love through the songs I get to choose and the method of worship just stirs my heart. I sang so loud-ha-it's like the song lyrics, "I can't hold my love back from you!" I had asked Jonathon to at some point when I stopped playing to just continue with a drum beat. On Thursday we looked up the Tarzan Disney movie soundtrack for this drumbeat he really liked-and of course that was funny and awesome, as I love Tarzan. He let loose on the drums in worship and wow-we heard the heartbeat of God. There was so much power and freedom. I was on a high from the Holy Spirit for awhile on Friday. :o) 
     So-I'm learning to be more abandoned, more abandoned to Jesus' love. After worship Paulien, a dance track staff came up to me and told me, (paraphrased) "I really like your voice, actually I was sitting there and thinking, wow, this is another side of God, I mean, your voice is so feminine and beautiful, so it was like I experienced a new part of God." Wow. Yeah, overwhelmed there. 
       I give to God, but he is the ultimate Giver, no one can out-give Him. I give Him my worship, and He gives me His love, His Presence, His approval. He says over His children, "This one is mine. He/She is mine for all eternity." He so loves us. 
      If there's something you're afraid of, if you want to pour out your love in a way that maybe is scary-please just go for it-God is worth it. :o) 
Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. James 4:8
http://youtu.be/o6kSRKZ60q4

Address

Ungdom i Oppdrag
Åsemulveien 5
6018 Ålesund
Norway

"Just Say Yes" by Snow Patrol. Read Update first. Listen, don't watch, or else you'll be distracted.

http://youtu.be/vW1hv37imjw

Healing Through Tears~Grace

This is an update of my first week of DTS, it's long, but good. I hope it blesses you. You wanted to know-here ya' go! :o)

"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory." Isaiah 61:3

Stability is a good thing. I would describe myself as a pretty stable person. My faith is solid. I know my love-Jesus. I have the blessed assurance of my salvation. Yet I still have pain, I still have hurt, I still have things God wants to heal. I have learned this week that God is definitely not finished with some experiences in my life that have already brought brokenness, revelation, conviction, and healing. The healing I experienced was just the beginning--God has more to do. We are deep people. I've always known this, but, "the depths of my soul" makes a bit more sense as this week I've had to delve into spots I thought I had already found the deepest levels of. 

It is a creative week this week at the base, so that means we spend much more time in our respective creative tracks. The dance track had a guest teacher, Sherri, from Seattle, Washington in the States! Sherri is a marvelous dancer, but more that that, she has a marvelous heart to bring healing and she uses dance to allow God to reach into our hearts and pull out our pain so we can sorrow with God and ultimately find healing. Right off the bat we're dealing with healing-which is so much a part of my heart with dance. I basically want to do what Sherri does...and more. :o) We dance out our pain, joy, screams, fears, passions. 

Sherri asked us before she even arrived to write a story about brokenness-a time in our life that we have experienced pain and sorrow. I wasn't sure where Sherri would go with this-but boy oh boy God did! When I wrote out my story (which I won't write out here-that's for another time and place) I didn't feel much emotion. I thought, "Well, I felt pain, but it's pretty much dealt with. I've learned a lot." Then came time to read it aloud. Each of us took turns reading our stories....snotty noses and poofy eyes followed. We all released, crying and some shaking as we spoke aloud our pain. I cried for others, I cried for myself. Some stories gave me indignation against those who had hurt the people speaking. The tears felt so...healthy. They were Holy Spirit tears. Tears are a physical release of what's going on inside. They are meant to come out. Have you noticed that when you try to stop the tears your face and neck hurt? Because they're not meant to be kept down! Crying with these beautiful woman was humbling, scary, wonderful, and precious. 

Every day in dance class we would start with a fun Zumba warm up, stretching, and then we would do a dance with a theme and story. The first day we wore masks and did a "clown" dance-taking the mask off at the end and throwing it down. It was pretty powerful. After we told our broken stories and were real with each other-the dance room became more open, more open to more healing. The next day we did a choreography the was about holding on to the pain, and finally being real with how we feel. Each girl had a turn at the end of the choreography to be the girl who was still in pain. As the others dance and she stands in pain, they notice her one by one and come over. When it was my turn to be in the middle, as the time came for me to, if I could, vocalize my pain, I just let out a huge breath, then I started crying and breathing really hard. I honestly didn't know I have been "holding my breath" a lot. Treading carefully, fearing for others, trying to say and do the right things. It felt so good to just breath as others held me. I still had trouble trusting that they wouldn't just get tired of me and let me go. But Sherri, our teacher, was so good in teaching us about sorrowing with people-to not jump too quickly into redemption-because then it just gets covered up in a fake Christian band aid that makes us feel guilty in the future when we hurt again. 

The third day we danced a dance called "Beauty from Pain." Everyone was really feeling this song. The choreography is beautiful and really makes sense in your body as you dance what you feel. As I was dancing it dawned on me more and more that I did have pain that God wanted to heal. Sometimes in dance class I wasn't sure why I was crying. But I'm learning God is uncovering lies I believe about myself. And those lies have created fear in my life. I have been confronting my feelings of shame this week-a lot. At the end of beauty from pain we lift our heart, or wherever our pain stems from, up to God. One girl brought the pain from deep within her gut-she tensed and pulled her arms up from her side, somewhere way down. It was powerful. Another beautiful sister danced the whole dance in tears. It was a dance just for Jesus and her. She danced in the pain and told God her story. It was so. so. beautiful. 

On Thursday we had to confront the lies that pretty much every woman on the planet deals with about being beautiful. Sherri called it the mirror dance. We had to dance staring at ourselves in the mirror. At the end of the dance, three girls would be the ones who didn't believe they were beautiful and the others would go and lift up their heads, tell them they were beautiful and gently move their heads to look at themselves in the mirror. Then we would switch girls. Even remembering this is bringing up emotions in me now. The second time I did it being the one who was receiving, my beautiful friend Anna lifted my head, whispered I was beautiful and turned my head toward the mirror. I was far back in the room....so she started moving me closer and closer to the mirror. I shook my  head and let her, knowing it was God pushing me toward the mirror to see into the eyes he has created. We were looking into our souls. I broke down. I couldn't keep standing, I sat down in Anna's embrace and bawled, loudly. Anna's arms held me firmly, they were a grace-filled extension of God's arms. I keep using the adjective beautiful, but that whole day truly was. Anna's arms, my crying, Sherri crying as I cried- moved by the beauty of brokenness, freedom, movement of ladies dancing for Jesus. 

This morning we had our showcase. Before we performed a piece called "Let me Go" (which hopefully I can post sometime) and "Beauty from Pain" we had had an assignment to write on index cards encouraging words for each other. All of us read our card aloud to each other. It was amazing how God confirmed his themes in our lives through the cards and it was so tender and awesome to watch each girl receive love through words, pictures, and hugs. The words I received are in my Bible and will truly be treasured always, as they are from God, and from some wonderful woman who love and who are fierce. These women are warriors and I'm so proud to know them.

Our dancing moved and impressed people. There were lots of exclamations of "wow" after we danced. It felt empowering and so good to give even as I received through dancing. I got to talk to the DTS before we performed and told them what our week had been like. I told them something like this: "1 Peter 2:4&5 says, 'And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.' Us dancers came with stones inside of us, stones feeling like dead weight inside. But God is making us living stones. We are in the middle of healing. We have sorrowed, and will sorrow with Jesus. Sherri has reminded us that we can't rush the healing process and we won't cover over our wounds, but we have to allow God to spend the time on healing. For it's there we grow closer to Jesus and experience Him more fully. And the joy is so much better in the end."

So-you may be thinking-whoa-that was a lot. Exactly. Think how I feel! There's even more. But this is what's on my heart to share. Thank you for your prayers-they've obviously been working! God is good. This week has been...good. Filled with Him. In my private time with just Jesus and me I listened to the song "Just say Yes" by Snow Patrol. I started crying and felt the power of just saying Yes to love. I realized it was God's love that was uncovering and making me realize and feel my pain and fear. It's His mercy that allows me to see, so we can walk through this together. Jesus just wants to be with me. I didn't realized how deep my soul is! More space in there means more Jesus. Deep in calling out to deep......that's love. 

Pictures of all the students and some staff members up on the top of a gorgeous mountain we climbed and then camped out at.