Some Words About LIFE In Me

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36

Amen! God continues to "free me up" as I listen, learn, love, and am continually humbled in His presence. I'm learning to be authentic, freed "me," while bundled up and freezing in Boston. Yes, it's cold, yes, we have a lot of snow. I could go on about this, but why bother when you can google "snow" and "Boston" will be one of the first things listed?

GOOD NEWS: I received results back for a blood test for a type of natural killer cell in my body that I need a certain amount of. Having Lyme Disease causes these important cells to be depleted. Before (In June) my count was below 41, and a normal count is above 100. I got re-tested when I went home to CA for Christmas break and my count is now at 93! My heart is rejoicing! This good news has meant a lot to me, as I continue to heal from Lyme's and trust that my God is for me. I will write a blog more on my  journey with Lyme, but that's for another date.

So what is this post about?
Basically, to let you know I'm still alive and very much kickin'--I haven't froze to death.
I love this area.
I love my community (church and prayer folks)
I am learning to love and open my heart to a new community in my life: the staff and students of YWAM Boston. (I am an intern there for my college internship.)
Love, love, love (Beatles song anyone?) continues to be a theme, a thread in everything the Lord speaks to me. As He teaches, I see that thread of love. As I repent, there is immediate love to be grasped. As I am vulnerable to the spirit and obey, God's delighted love fills my soul.
Love. There's no escaping it.
It's the best thing to be captured by.

In the past month since being back in Boston I have:
.Driven to North Carolina with some precious friends to gather with community and hear what the Lord has to say, feel what He feels, and express dreams and prophetic vision.

.Driven back from North Carolina with a vision for A MARCH IN BOSTON FOR, WHAT ELSE, LOVE. This March, on May 1st, will be a culmination of the "Carry the Love Tour" that some YWAM friends, and us student leaders in Boston, will be participating in through March and April. Carry the Love Tour will visit 80 campuses around the east coast and will be in our neighborhood at the end of April. I'm seriously honored to be a part of the call and action to unify Jesus' beloved body of BELIEVERS.
And I'm stoked about carrying a giant flag that says "Carry the Love" along some of my favorite places in Boston.

.Prayed! I am co-leading two prayer sets this semester, which is fantastic. God never fails when we pursue and listen.

.Been in school. It's true, I'm still in school, and graduating in May. (!) The change in my major has been a breath of fresh air, and I'm enjoying this semester quite a bit. I'm a teaching assistant for one of my favorite classes (going back to my teaching "roots") and currently am working on a theme for my senior "capstone" class-which means getting to explore all types of art and come up with a process and project for the end of the year exhibition.

.Visited the Museum of Fine Arts twice (....so far-so much to explore there!), discussed art theory and practice (in one of my fabulous classes) and seen the play "Father Comes Home From the Wars" by Susan Lori Parks. If you're into Civil War history, identity crises, justice topics, provoking drama, good old-time bluegrass sounding music-I would recommend flying out to Boston to see it. Feel free to visit me while you're at it.

*View out of MFA Window*

.Walked through a blizzard more than once. That's just to give me "cool" points. (I can't help the bad jokes, I'm my Father's daughter. :o) )

.Had a mini-vacation on Cape Cod with some special friends and got to see Cranberry Bogs for the first time in my life.

*Kelsey, my roommate, on the frozen cranberry bog*

.Shared life with some wonderful friends. God is flinging wide the door to my heart, to speak dramatically, by valuing me and loving me through friendships. Being an independent person, who has to constantly yield my independent spirit to Jesus, this particular way of loving me has been challenging at times, but very rich in spirit and mind.

.Interning at YWAM Boston, currently writing the blog, working on collecting and compiling information, and planning a garden to be planted in the spring. :o) Here's a link to the blog I write for their website: http://ywamboston.org/features/blog/421-auto-generate-from-title.html Note: I don't write every article.

I shall post some pictures to add to this rather haphazard post. I didn't want to be distant for too long, so I decided to type a quick update for any interested party. ;o) May the peace of God reign in your hearts as you dedicate your days and nights to Him. Much LOVE.

*Rope swinging over the frozen lake*

*My school's main path*

*(This one's for Grandma) Igloo made at and by MIT students*

*Beautiful morning walk to prayer*

 *Preparing to drive in a blizzard*

 *Philadelphia, PA! *

Real Love-Real Dancing

Video Time! 

While traveling to and fro on the T (subway system), this song came up on my phone. My heart was soaring and I was swaying in my seat. I felt the love of God and the joy of being loved and loving him. I thought "I gotta' go home and dance to this!" So-I did. To those who say they can't dance-it doesn't matter folks!! Abandon yourself to the music and love of God. I was inspired to film so you would know-dancers go crazy too, this is not what you call "professional' dancing, it's crazy, fun filled movement cuz I just can't contain my joy! And I want the world to know-it's God's love that has found me, He is real, and my soul exults! (And please laugh at my moves-I'm laughing with you!  ) May you LIVE it up in joy and freedom!  Jesus Party! Turn it up!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QJq5R5ZAe0&list=UU3AB-EB3OT6Ok977ujIGYFQ

Elements of "Home"

I had an assignment in a class leading me to think about home and do something creative with that. ;o) Here is what came of it (I spent about 5 mins on this video, so poor quality, but it's a neat idea to expand on in the future. Link is on the bottom)

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When thinking about home I got to thinking of how I created home in every place I've lived. What helps me abide in a place are some of the elements in this video-they come with with me every place I go and whether they are in different forms, I still have: light, candles, culture, Jesus, art, family, pictures, tea, my Bible, music, Javed (my guitar), access to nature,  beauty as I perceive it, freedom to express and move, books, windows. I don't need a lot of stuff to make me feel at home. I need care. People I love and who love me. And I need God's spirit to abide with me in that place. To feel safe. To feel enclosed by goodness and love. The song encompasses more of this feeling of home, as it's by one of my favorite artists, Josh Garrels, and is one of my favorite songs by him. "Pilot Me." Wherever I am, in order to feel home, I need to feel that God is piloting me-he's being the wind in my sails. All I truly need is that. God is my House of Grace. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqLcswpU4yo&list=UU3AB-EB3OT6Ok977ujIGYFQ

When Pain Becomes Embarrassing

Here’s how it goes ~

Lovely people say,

“You seem to always be down with something.”………….. Or

I say,

“I’m o.k., I’m sick.”

They say,

“Again?”

Yes, again. I am not mad at people. I am mad at myself. Mad that I can’t answer in all honestly “I am well.”

It is well with my soul is true-my deposit of joy cannot be robbed from me. But this isn’t meant to be a pep-talk about remaining joyful.

I suppose it’s a bit of a reality check. Checking in with the importance of the body. And hopefully making others more aware of the needs of those around you who are chronically ill.

Mostly this is a way for me to express without having to open my mouth and talk, or have to sit and cry a little. Thoughts down on paper are easier to contemplate and learn from sometimes. They don’t cause as much anxiety when I can see them in black and white, letters forming the thoughts traveling through my conscious thought pathways….I’m in neuropsychology class…my brain in on my mind. Trippy.

So I’m sick. A lot. I have Lyme Disease and a weak immune system (aided by Lyme). I don’t claim this as a permanent reality over my life, so don’t think I’m adding fuel to the morbid fire. I am aware God is healing me, I know one day I will be free of this bacteria. That is GOOD. I am grateful.

AND that doesn’t mean the reality that I have these issues isn’t very real, frustrating, painful, and life disrupting right now.

And sometimes, embarrassing.

I’m pausing and thinking. Why is it embarrassing? To feel embarrassed is to feel foolish. I feel foolish when I am continually answering the “how are you” with the “so-so,” “ok,” “well I’m sick right now….” It feels like by now I should’ve snapped out of it.

But my body isn’t snapping.

Silly body, don’t you know I have plans and purpose? Don’t you know I need you to cooperate? Come on now! But I know you’re trying…it’s not your fault.

Bacteria, gut deficiencies, food, environment- you name it. It’s all against our bodies. Our bodies actually are our friends. My body isn’t my enemy. It’s rooting for me. This well-designed vessel is fighting, every day, all night, 24/7 to keep me up and moving and well.

So why do I feel foolish that my body hasn’t pulled itself together yet? Impatience.

Of course I’m inpatient with pain.

You’re normal Beth.

I feel foolish when I can’t accomplish. When I can’t say “all is well and good!” Like, as a Christian, it has to be that way in order for me to get the seal of approval. I feel guilty when I don’t have energy.

Silly. Yes, silly.

When I don’t have the answer of healing, it seems silly. It seems like faith hasn’t arisen to the “level” it should be. It seems I’m taking advantage of people’s prayers.

Silly. False.

Lies.

The enemy loves to lie to us when we’re “down.” He loves to make us feel foolish. Foolishness can lead to fear. To be a fool for Christ is quite different than to feel a fool because of fear of man, or failure of self. To be a fool for Christ means to lean on your beloved and receive grace.

Receive care. Receive presence.

Of caring people. Of a caring God.

Believing people really care. That is so hard for so many. I’ve been graced to believe people care. But to test this care, to think, there’s a boundary…I don’t want to burst the care bubble….will the care cease after this amount of time? How about now? This has lasted too long, they’ll give up, they’ll grow weary.

Trust. I trust God takes the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. I trust he’s using this silly disease and he’s making me wise and close-close to Him. There’s a God-shaped hole in my sickness, every time. My heart can trust Him- as near, as close, as supernaturally helping. But what trusting that God is entrusting me to others care? What of his help through his children?

I am willing, I am wanting. How do I ask? How many times before I’m seen as a fool? Maybe none. Maybe they’ll keep on loving.

I’m not fond of too much attention. Different stimulants of embarrassment, there’s attention from people and notice-which can just be uncomfortable for me. And then there’s pride.

God-I can’t figure it out. You have to help me. Cuz’ I want the help. I want to be assisted into wholeness. I want care. What I don’t want is be to a burden. But even that you are healing. For in allowing the carrying of my burdens, I am allowing people to love me. This is good. This is grace in action.

The funny thing is…I do have it “figured out.” The answer is Jesus. No, I’m not being trite. Jesus doesn’t lack power in order to be trite. Jesus is real. He is real in my body. He designed it. He loves it.

Would you pour your healing balm out on me Jesus. Pour your healing balm out on those who’s suffering robs their joy, their mind. Jesus, protect us from hating our bodies. Protect us from false thinking. Lead me to the path of refreshing righteousness. Being right with you is what gives me peace. Cells do you sense the peace of my soul? Match to it already!

I’m not sure what this writing is all about. That’s why it belongs on a personal blog-where that kind of writing is allowed. *wink* When I ask you to bear with me, will you actually bear my burdens with me? Can we give them to Jesus together? Even if it’s through prayer…even if…especially if -please pray! I can think of no better asking I can do than to ask for your honest prayers for me. And with that

Continually pray and do care for those that are sick and/or in pain.

Let’s ask God to give us hearts of compassion and grace-filled action. Let’s keep caring. Let’s go into homes and give meals with heart. Let’s listen. Let’s touch. Let’s not shy away. Either way, let’s not shy away. When we’re in pain or when we need to give relief. Let’s not be afraid to look foolish for the sake of love…..

Hence this post.

Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. Romans 15:1&2 (A bit different context, but I think it applies to this as well.)

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Romans 15:13

New News

Time passes by so quickly! Here is the latest and greatest (and in-between that) in glimpses of my life:

Part of the "Diamond in the Rough" Presentation, highlighting sex trafficking and its truths, horrors, and the hope that can be found through rescue and restoration. 

Typical Me: Enjoying the company of flowers

  The sky enrapturing its audience

 Cecile (My roommate's beloved pet--and our fellow roommate)

Beach ten minutes walk from home (I went swimming on a warm day!) 

Longfellow House (as in the poet) 

Friends in the Longfellow Garden

Henna done by Pavithra! 

Getting to wear Pavithra's Indian garb, pretty darn happy about that! Such beautiful pieces.

 

 Purposeful Housemate "Bonding Night" aka making and eating Rum/Cinnamon/Brown Sugar Grilled Peaches and Indian Food! (dancing included)

Three special friends got baptized this Sunday! Amazing testimonies of God's pursuit and the grace God lavished on these individuals. Here are my pastor's, praying over George, a friend who received the love of Jesus and made God his Lord on Easter Sunday of this year. I was blessed to be there when George made a commitment to God then, and was filled with joy and expectation to watch him being baptized and filled with the Holy Spirit. My friend Matt, who I invited to church from Lesley (my college), also was baptized! He had been wanting to be baptized for awhile. His story involves a lot of pain and yet, seeing God's faithfulness in being by his side through being diagnosed with Bi-polar disease, as Matt said, it doesn't matter what disease or sickness he has, God can surpass that and God's love has carried Matt through life with steadfastness. Christian, my third friend to be baptized, spoke of how he knew the significance of baptism intellectually when he was first baptized, but was convicted to let God do a work and change in his heart, further bringing Christian into a "knowing" relationship with his Savior. So GOOD! Thank you Jesus!! 

God is walking me through some changes, and while He's at it I'm enjoying my studies (for the most part), finding that time to study is something difficult to grasp, swing dancing (friends from church came last time and enjoyed it! :oD), dance team practice at Lesley, leading the Christian Fellowship Club on campus, trying to rest, learning to get to the end of myself, missing my family, loving my supportive friends near and far, and dreaming with God and others. Please pray for me for continued healing (from Lyme Disease), abiding joy, sustaining grace, wisdom, and rest. Love always.

Words That Speak (Nature Themed)

Sometimes people give voice to thoughts I have often "felt" or perceived in  my mind but hadn't found language for. Other times I do find the language and I write it down before I forget what I was thinking. ;o) Here are some words that have spoken to me (some of my own as well) and captured my emotions, even if just for the brief time I heard them....

"Edward Thomas said 'Trees and people are imperfect friends,' citing the imperfect nature of humans and the silence of trees. There are however times of harmony. With Lombardy Poplars, for instance, whose thirst and fragility might tempt us to cut them down, but whose beauty gives us pause, they seem to say with us what we could not say perfectly by ourselves, 'I will praise you Oh Lord with my whole heart.'" ~ Robert Adams (Photographer) http://video.pbs.org/video/1239798902/ *Third section 

"We have difficulty replicating what nature can do" ~Mark Dion (In creating a space for a fallen tree in the city)

Bringing people to nature, to be in nature, is where beauty and healing often form a relationship. Humans were made in a garden, and that is where life was breathed into us. We were made to walk with God in beauty. No wonder nature pulls us in. Nature pulls us toward a walk with God. To be with ourselves, in ourselves, to be with the Creator and in His creation, with the One who holds it all in His hands. To hold His hand while He holds it all...including us. Yahweh holds us in beauty. This is healing.~ Beth Brooks (In my journal reflections) 

(In reference to his photography books) "Almost every book begins with a gift. A picture you weren't expecting. Surprise is a part of photography. It's one of the great, enlivening blessings of the medium. At your best it teaches you to try to remain open to new experiences, because the gifts sometimes are really exciting." ~ Robert Adams

Tour de force (but not really)

For those of you who can not come visit me in person, and mostly for my madre': a link to a tour of my new apartment for this school year. :o)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8S_hDPhS_ns&feature=youtu.be


And some pics of my day spent studying on our balcony in the breeze of a wonderful Massachusetts summer day. (The humidity went for four days and thankfully broke some today!)