Real Love-Real Dancing

Video Time! 

While traveling to and fro on the T (subway system), this song came up on my phone. My heart was soaring and I was swaying in my seat. I felt the love of God and the joy of being loved and loving him. I thought "I gotta' go home and dance to this!" So-I did. To those who say they can't dance-it doesn't matter folks!! Abandon yourself to the music and love of God. I was inspired to film so you would know-dancers go crazy too, this is not what you call "professional' dancing, it's crazy, fun filled movement cuz I just can't contain my joy! And I want the world to know-it's God's love that has found me, He is real, and my soul exults! (And please laugh at my moves-I'm laughing with you!  ) May you LIVE it up in joy and freedom!  Jesus Party! Turn it up!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QJq5R5ZAe0&list=UU3AB-EB3OT6Ok977ujIGYFQ

Elements of "Home"

I had an assignment in a class leading me to think about home and do something creative with that. ;o) Here is what came of it (I spent about 5 mins on this video, so poor quality, but it's a neat idea to expand on in the future. Link is on the bottom)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When thinking about home I got to thinking of how I created home in every place I've lived. What helps me abide in a place are some of the elements in this video-they come with with me every place I go and whether they are in different forms, I still have: light, candles, culture, Jesus, art, family, pictures, tea, my Bible, music, Javed (my guitar), access to nature,  beauty as I perceive it, freedom to express and move, books, windows. I don't need a lot of stuff to make me feel at home. I need care. People I love and who love me. And I need God's spirit to abide with me in that place. To feel safe. To feel enclosed by goodness and love. The song encompasses more of this feeling of home, as it's by one of my favorite artists, Josh Garrels, and is one of my favorite songs by him. "Pilot Me." Wherever I am, in order to feel home, I need to feel that God is piloting me-he's being the wind in my sails. All I truly need is that. God is my House of Grace. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqLcswpU4yo&list=UU3AB-EB3OT6Ok977ujIGYFQ

When Pain Becomes Embarrassing

Here’s how it goes ~

Lovely people say,

“You seem to always be down with something.”………….. Or

I say,

“I’m o.k., I’m sick.”

They say,

“Again?”

Yes, again. I am not mad at people. I am mad at myself. Mad that I can’t answer in all honestly “I am well.”

It is well with my soul is true-my deposit of joy cannot be robbed from me. But this isn’t meant to be a pep-talk about remaining joyful.

I suppose it’s a bit of a reality check. Checking in with the importance of the body. And hopefully making others more aware of the needs of those around you who are chronically ill.

Mostly this is a way for me to express without having to open my mouth and talk, or have to sit and cry a little. Thoughts down on paper are easier to contemplate and learn from sometimes. They don’t cause as much anxiety when I can see them in black and white, letters forming the thoughts traveling through my conscious thought pathways….I’m in neuropsychology class…my brain in on my mind. Trippy.

So I’m sick. A lot. I have Lyme Disease and a weak immune system (aided by Lyme). I don’t claim this as a permanent reality over my life, so don’t think I’m adding fuel to the morbid fire. I am aware God is healing me, I know one day I will be free of this bacteria. That is GOOD. I am grateful.

AND that doesn’t mean the reality that I have these issues isn’t very real, frustrating, painful, and life disrupting right now.

And sometimes, embarrassing.

I’m pausing and thinking. Why is it embarrassing? To feel embarrassed is to feel foolish. I feel foolish when I am continually answering the “how are you” with the “so-so,” “ok,” “well I’m sick right now….” It feels like by now I should’ve snapped out of it.

But my body isn’t snapping.

Silly body, don’t you know I have plans and purpose? Don’t you know I need you to cooperate? Come on now! But I know you’re trying…it’s not your fault.

Bacteria, gut deficiencies, food, environment- you name it. It’s all against our bodies. Our bodies actually are our friends. My body isn’t my enemy. It’s rooting for me. This well-designed vessel is fighting, every day, all night, 24/7 to keep me up and moving and well.

So why do I feel foolish that my body hasn’t pulled itself together yet? Impatience.

Of course I’m inpatient with pain.

You’re normal Beth.

I feel foolish when I can’t accomplish. When I can’t say “all is well and good!” Like, as a Christian, it has to be that way in order for me to get the seal of approval. I feel guilty when I don’t have energy.

Silly. Yes, silly.

When I don’t have the answer of healing, it seems silly. It seems like faith hasn’t arisen to the “level” it should be. It seems I’m taking advantage of people’s prayers.

Silly. False.

Lies.

The enemy loves to lie to us when we’re “down.” He loves to make us feel foolish. Foolishness can lead to fear. To be a fool for Christ is quite different than to feel a fool because of fear of man, or failure of self. To be a fool for Christ means to lean on your beloved and receive grace.

Receive care. Receive presence.

Of caring people. Of a caring God.

Believing people really care. That is so hard for so many. I’ve been graced to believe people care. But to test this care, to think, there’s a boundary…I don’t want to burst the care bubble….will the care cease after this amount of time? How about now? This has lasted too long, they’ll give up, they’ll grow weary.

Trust. I trust God takes the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. I trust he’s using this silly disease and he’s making me wise and close-close to Him. There’s a God-shaped hole in my sickness, every time. My heart can trust Him- as near, as close, as supernaturally helping. But what trusting that God is entrusting me to others care? What of his help through his children?

I am willing, I am wanting. How do I ask? How many times before I’m seen as a fool? Maybe none. Maybe they’ll keep on loving.

I’m not fond of too much attention. Different stimulants of embarrassment, there’s attention from people and notice-which can just be uncomfortable for me. And then there’s pride.

God-I can’t figure it out. You have to help me. Cuz’ I want the help. I want to be assisted into wholeness. I want care. What I don’t want is be to a burden. But even that you are healing. For in allowing the carrying of my burdens, I am allowing people to love me. This is good. This is grace in action.

The funny thing is…I do have it “figured out.” The answer is Jesus. No, I’m not being trite. Jesus doesn’t lack power in order to be trite. Jesus is real. He is real in my body. He designed it. He loves it.

Would you pour your healing balm out on me Jesus. Pour your healing balm out on those who’s suffering robs their joy, their mind. Jesus, protect us from hating our bodies. Protect us from false thinking. Lead me to the path of refreshing righteousness. Being right with you is what gives me peace. Cells do you sense the peace of my soul? Match to it already!

I’m not sure what this writing is all about. That’s why it belongs on a personal blog-where that kind of writing is allowed. *wink* When I ask you to bear with me, will you actually bear my burdens with me? Can we give them to Jesus together? Even if it’s through prayer…even if…especially if -please pray! I can think of no better asking I can do than to ask for your honest prayers for me. And with that

Continually pray and do care for those that are sick and/or in pain.

Let’s ask God to give us hearts of compassion and grace-filled action. Let’s keep caring. Let’s go into homes and give meals with heart. Let’s listen. Let’s touch. Let’s not shy away. Either way, let’s not shy away. When we’re in pain or when we need to give relief. Let’s not be afraid to look foolish for the sake of love…..

Hence this post.

Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. Romans 15:1&2 (A bit different context, but I think it applies to this as well.)

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Romans 15:13

New News

Time passes by so quickly! Here is the latest and greatest (and in-between that) in glimpses of my life:

Part of the "Diamond in the Rough" Presentation, highlighting sex trafficking and its truths, horrors, and the hope that can be found through rescue and restoration. 

Typical Me: Enjoying the company of flowers

  The sky enrapturing its audience

 Cecile (My roommate's beloved pet--and our fellow roommate)

Beach ten minutes walk from home (I went swimming on a warm day!) 

Longfellow House (as in the poet) 

Friends in the Longfellow Garden

Henna done by Pavithra! 

Getting to wear Pavithra's Indian garb, pretty darn happy about that! Such beautiful pieces.

 

 Purposeful Housemate "Bonding Night" aka making and eating Rum/Cinnamon/Brown Sugar Grilled Peaches and Indian Food! (dancing included)

Three special friends got baptized this Sunday! Amazing testimonies of God's pursuit and the grace God lavished on these individuals. Here are my pastor's, praying over George, a friend who received the love of Jesus and made God his Lord on Easter Sunday of this year. I was blessed to be there when George made a commitment to God then, and was filled with joy and expectation to watch him being baptized and filled with the Holy Spirit. My friend Matt, who I invited to church from Lesley (my college), also was baptized! He had been wanting to be baptized for awhile. His story involves a lot of pain and yet, seeing God's faithfulness in being by his side through being diagnosed with Bi-polar disease, as Matt said, it doesn't matter what disease or sickness he has, God can surpass that and God's love has carried Matt through life with steadfastness. Christian, my third friend to be baptized, spoke of how he knew the significance of baptism intellectually when he was first baptized, but was convicted to let God do a work and change in his heart, further bringing Christian into a "knowing" relationship with his Savior. So GOOD! Thank you Jesus!! 

God is walking me through some changes, and while He's at it I'm enjoying my studies (for the most part), finding that time to study is something difficult to grasp, swing dancing (friends from church came last time and enjoyed it! :oD), dance team practice at Lesley, leading the Christian Fellowship Club on campus, trying to rest, learning to get to the end of myself, missing my family, loving my supportive friends near and far, and dreaming with God and others. Please pray for me for continued healing (from Lyme Disease), abiding joy, sustaining grace, wisdom, and rest. Love always.

Words That Speak (Nature Themed)

Sometimes people give voice to thoughts I have often "felt" or perceived in  my mind but hadn't found language for. Other times I do find the language and I write it down before I forget what I was thinking. ;o) Here are some words that have spoken to me (some of my own as well) and captured my emotions, even if just for the brief time I heard them....

"Edward Thomas said 'Trees and people are imperfect friends,' citing the imperfect nature of humans and the silence of trees. There are however times of harmony. With Lombardy Poplars, for instance, whose thirst and fragility might tempt us to cut them down, but whose beauty gives us pause, they seem to say with us what we could not say perfectly by ourselves, 'I will praise you Oh Lord with my whole heart.'" ~ Robert Adams (Photographer) http://video.pbs.org/video/1239798902/ *Third section 

"We have difficulty replicating what nature can do" ~Mark Dion (In creating a space for a fallen tree in the city)

Bringing people to nature, to be in nature, is where beauty and healing often form a relationship. Humans were made in a garden, and that is where life was breathed into us. We were made to walk with God in beauty. No wonder nature pulls us in. Nature pulls us toward a walk with God. To be with ourselves, in ourselves, to be with the Creator and in His creation, with the One who holds it all in His hands. To hold His hand while He holds it all...including us. Yahweh holds us in beauty. This is healing.~ Beth Brooks (In my journal reflections) 

(In reference to his photography books) "Almost every book begins with a gift. A picture you weren't expecting. Surprise is a part of photography. It's one of the great, enlivening blessings of the medium. At your best it teaches you to try to remain open to new experiences, because the gifts sometimes are really exciting." ~ Robert Adams

Tour de force (but not really)

For those of you who can not come visit me in person, and mostly for my madre': a link to a tour of my new apartment for this school year. :o)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8S_hDPhS_ns&feature=youtu.be


And some pics of my day spent studying on our balcony in the breeze of a wonderful Massachusetts summer day. (The humidity went for four days and thankfully broke some today!)

I AM is Here and I Am Here

I have arrived. Once again. Happily. I was welcomed, by my friend and new roommate Kelsey, "back" to Boston as I saw her through raindrops. Funny to be welcomed back to CA and then back to the East Coast in such a short span of time. And yep, the sky opened up and a summer rain-shower came pouring down right after I popped into Kelsey's mom's car. My face lit up. Refreshing rain in this humidity. And rain just equals a happier me most of the time. To me it was beautiful weather. But then it got better. I spotted a rainbow. A BIG rainbow. All the way across the Charles river. A full rainbow. I texted the fam. Pop replied that it was a sign of God's peace and God smiling on me as I entered Boston. What a pleasant thought-not only that, but what pleasant truth to my spirit. God smiles on me everyday. He smiles on us all, I wish people were awakened to see it.

My apartment is such a nice place, friendly, old-fashioned, family-fueled. This old building has survived many tenants as the Landlords diligently take care of it. I am now a part of this apartment family. And it is a good family. Our landlord "Parents" are a Polish couple, the wife I have met. She likes tea just like me and she drinks it out of a jar sometimes. (When it's iced tea.) We hit it off. She had me taste a leaf. No joke. This lady knows my heart. ;o) The Polish couple's daughter is Agnes. She was my first point-of-contact for this place. She is nice, to the point, and has a wide smile. She has done this so many times before, but she's patient with my questions and has carried a coach, beds, desks, dresser, chairs, and rug into the room for Kelsey and I. (I did not pay extra for this.) I asked about the garden, which is wonderfully wild and free. They shall cut it back when the season changes and I am free to plant some herbs of my choice but "no marijuana." Deal. No pun intended. They already have mint leaves in the garden, so I shall pick them and dry them for the winter.

As the tour has concluded I am left with one of my two new housemates, Pavithra. She is from Indian and went to school to be an electrical engineer. Currently she's a software engineer. She did a fabulous job of explaining to me what she does. My non-engineer wired brain understood more than I didn't understand-a plus. This wonderful woman made me a typical Indian dinner, with plenty of spices from her tin of Indian spices. I was pretty thrilled. She laughed when I took a picture of the spices. We asked each other lots of questions and were both happy to note we are both clean! Whew. In the middle of dinner Stashu came in. He's an older Polish gentleman who has lived and worked here for ten years. He is a friend of the landlords and does work with fences in Boston. He is kind, apologetic for his lack on English (no apology needed), polite, and excited to have other friendly faces here. He smiles a lot and takes our hands and kisses them in greeting and goodbye. He is a true Polish man who was a policeman in Poland and can make a special Polish tea. (!) When I asked about his family, he departed for his room and came back with a photo album of, mainly, his granddaughter. I looked over the album appreciatively and showed him a picture of my nephew, Judah. Stashu also has a little machine that helps him translate Polish to English and vice a versa. We used the machine a bit, and though it is slow, it works.

Changing voices: I appreciate the patience we all have as each of us comes with our own way of communicating and our own voice. I am happy there are three different cultures represented in the kitchen. (Add Kelsey and you have 4!) Stashu says in Polish that I'm a "beautiful neighbor." Pavithra translates the beautiful part and Stashu tells me the neighbor part. I smile. "Yes, we are very close neighbors!" We are all happy. Pavithra says she's never known people who are "as Christian" as Kelsey and I. I think this is the beginning of a wonde

rful, grace-filled, and kind-hearted people filled journey. We have the makings of a beautiful apartment family!

God is good, all the time. I am so grateful. So thankful. He blesses me so well. May you be touched by The Lord's loving kindness in your life.
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him!" Psalm 28:7 and my spirit

I've Been Love Compeled

Mind over matter-Scratch that-God over ALL. 

I sit here, slightly discouraged. (Just finished being really discouraged, but God's hope is never far from me. And so, I find myself writing. ;o) My heart remembers 2 Corinthians 5:14, "For the love of Christ constrains us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead" (American New King James) ~ "For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died" (NASB) 
........... 
"Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight— we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.

 Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men, but we are made manifest to God; and I hope that we are made manifest also in your consciences. We are not again commending ourselves to you but are giving you an occasion to be proud of us, so that you will have an answer for those who take pride in appearance and not in heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf."

More and more and more-I used to feel it a lot when driving my car Shenandoah, I ache to be out of this body and in the arms of Jesus. It would all be simpler that way wouldn't it? This is not a death wish. This is a life wish. I know life more abundantly means more of God. More of His love. 

So here's the deal....

Education wise, this semester has been a disappointment. Here's what I know: I'm not just here for an education. Also know: I'm not just here for an education by this school. Comforting? Absolutely. The friends I have made, proverbial seeds I have planted, awakenings I've been a part of, prayers I've joined, lives I've encountered to bless, challenges I've faced, Thoughts I have realized anew, Strength I have gained, People who have loved me, People who have opened my ears to hear more, insight gained, chai teas and talks I've had, blessed assurances, dances I've danced out to a sweating point in worship, clarity I've gained--all of this is not in vain. All of this is life. It's the day to day. It's me counting the days unto God-not unto myself. I've heard some friends of mine here say "What is this unto?" Meaning, "What the heck is this whole thing we're doing even about?" And "Who is this unto?" Meaning, "Am I doing this with a selfish perspective without even realizing I haven't given up control?" 

I've been "beside myself" this semester. As this has happened, when I'm feeling overwhelmed with the need to please and bless everyone and with the need to do everything right and in the will of God, I have taken it to God and said "I'm beside myself. Help. I love you. I'm beside myself." And God has responded with affirmations of I'm beside you. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Joy. I'm pleased with you. I love you. You are chosen. All wonderful words of truth. I believe them, I delight in God's truth in my life. Without His compelling love-I wouldn't fight and try try try for the best for myself and others. God needs to make my mind sound, because it needs to be sound for you. My mind is a dancer-it moves all day in a choreographed pattern with constant new inspirations--when this mind is overly aware of the fact that it doesn't posses all the answers--the Holy Spirit has to bring in sound-ness. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh what a fortaste of Glory divine. It starts now. Yes, meaning life and all the dreamy and banal stuff. And true life is Jesus. True way is Jesus. Comforting. Breathe. Whossssssh. (That was the sound of me exhaling a big breath-really good for you!)

I'm going to make some tea. Here's the thing: I don't know exactly what I'm doing here. I don't know exactly how I'm to keep going practically speaking. But, actually, I take back the first sentence. Because what I'm doing in Cambridge, what I have been doing in this season and will continue to do in the next, is proclaiming and living divine love. Christ's love control's me. I'm living out divine love, which means I gave up control, took up my "cross," and chose to come under the Lordship of the most loving, awesome, jaw-dropping being. (Oh, emotions are coming up again. I write when I'm emotional-it's healing)--Christ's love controls me. What did Paul say? I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

I'm living in divine love. And when I question what the heck I'm doing and why I'm not just living in my yurt or boat, drinking teas and inviting the neighbors over for yoga, and throwing in some dancing in meadows (by the way, I don't see this as being too much of a stretch for my future)....I'm simply living this life in a mirror dimly, I can't see Christ face to face, yet. I'm proving myself faithful. I'm living in a manner worthy of the call which Christ called me too. That means, in the mundane, I worship. In the frustration, I worship. In the questions and fears, I worship. In the buds of happiness, I worship. In the sharing of my faith, I shamelessly worship. In the compassion of seeing other's pain, I worship. I draw near-for God to draw near. And for people's lives to change through me showing them that God's love compels. Divine love keeps me sane. He keeps me joyful. God rejoices over me with singing. I will never forget that. 

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb 12:1-2) We are seated with him. And we shall never know his suffering. I love you Jesus. 

Let Love Arise

How do I start this? 

There is so much to say, but so much of what there is to say you can look up a good article, watch a video, read the Bible, listen to someone wiser than me, and get much of what is on my heart. 

It's kinda' a jambalaya of thoughts and feelings....of course. ;o)

Since being in Cambridge I have deepened in my love and awe of snow--while subsequently deepening my dislike for wind. (Seriously? Have you guys really looked at snow, I mean gazed at it's beauty? It shines, it shimmers, it falls in all different directions, it piles softly and sticks like a glazed rock. It cleans, it covers, it twirls, snow DANCES! And bunnies jump out of it-no kidding.) 

I miss the beach. Enough said. 

I drink one or two cups of tea a day...usually chai tea is one of those cups. I bought a bright orange tea pot. 

I have encountered loneliness here. Though I've lived away from my family and friends before, Norway was with YWAM-with other Christians seeking God. Worshiping every day with these friends. Totally different. I thank God I'm an introvert, I can't imagine a poor extrovert having to transfer mid-semester to a college across the United States from home. I like being alone. It's nice to be in quiet, to be with me-to have space to sit and think. But yes, I want community, I long for deeper friendships. I am very, yes very, grateful for the friends I have made here, each step closer to them warms my heart up and makes me realize "she/he IS my friend." My family rocks. Every time I'm away, be it short trip or long stay, the realization of my family's awesomeness splashes in. The waves feel good, but make me miss the face-to-face connection I can have with them. 
     Loneliness. SO MANY BATTLE this. I feel my loneliness is small in comparison with other's-but who said I have to compare? I think loneliness can lead in two directions really, away or towards God. I love God. I really, really, really, really love God. I have come closer to Him. I have danced in my room for him. I have held out my hands in worship, a physical gesture representing my longing inside, and I have ASKED for Him to come. God whispers to me everyday. He is constant. He is the most constant one in my life, I am never without him and I know this. Yes, I've had a few profound encounters with the Holy Spirit while being here, reminders of his destiny and love for me, but also we just quietly draw near to each other. Usually I feel this clarity of His closeness and pleasure after I have danced and proclaimed His nature of love and glory in worship. Then I sit or kneel, and I find myself gazing into Jesus' eyes. Of course, this is through my spirit, I know physically I can not see His eyes...yet. :o)

Sometimes I ache because I want to see Jesus and be with Him so much. My stomach clenches and I can't get the words out, "show me your face God!" It's been a prayer of my life, and it continues to be so. My alone-ness with God is strong and fierce and loving and peaceful. Being alone with God is being cemented in me, day by day. Living here makes it more so. I have truly never felt so complete, and yet I know there is a depth of oneness with God I have yet to reach. Even while typing that my stomach churns...I want to get there. I don't want to tread water, I want to sink. 

Connection with humans. Important. Connection with Christian brothers and sisters. Majorly important. Thank God and thank Kelsey, a new friend here, that I found out about Awake East Coast. This was a conference, held at the YWAM base in Boston, where college students and graduates came together to worship God and truly connect. To come together in unity for the purpose of loving the world through the love of God working in us. 

We're together, coming slowly, steadily though. Event planning for three days in April. Unity events on three campuses to "Let Love Arise." We want to see people see love. We want to hear that people hear love. We want to move in love so people will  be moved by love and see that GOD LOVES. Here's where I could go on and on....

I'm doing a lot. (Go figure) Staying busy, mostly with enjoyable things, that is a plus! I go to swing dancing every Wednesday night. ^^ And at the end of March I'll be at the "Boston Tea Party," a giant swing event in Boston with teachers from all over the world! Stoked. I take college classes that aren't challenging, but good things have happened in them and I've met some lovely folks. As always, I'm frustrated with America's schooling system and our lack of critical thinking skills in classrooms. I'm in two dances with the dance team at Lesley. ^^ I attend as many of the social justice meetings and talks as I can. I go to a marvelous, God-loving and God-fearing church called Hilltop. They have bagels at every service. Free food. About food, this week the joy I had from walking to the grocery and picking out my own healthy food was amazing. I sat in my chair back in my dorm and ate crackers and cheese with a smile on my face the whole time. It's spring break, so the cafeteria's are closed. Happy, but bummed to shell out more dough-of the paper kind. (The school's food plan I'm on is pretty depressing where healthy choices are concerned-I'm trying to deal with that humbly...it's difficult.) 

Money. I've never had money on my mind so much as this semester. Financial aid, calls, prayers, CONSTANT thoughts of "can I afford that, should I go there, I should't buy that, how much do I have, is this a good price, how can I make it, I don't deserve that, I have to give, I can't give, I should work more hours, ..............." Yeah. I do pray, along with my parents about this monkey we call money. He's a tricky thing, swinging round me, elusive and yet in the tree munching faithfully on a banana when I need em'. (Thank you Mom and Pop!) It's late...weird metaphors. This has been a big subject of release, trust, hope, and love for me. Yep, it's all wrapped in there.       On Saturday a couple prayed for provision for me, the words that touched my heart the most were, "And let her believe she is worthy of support." Ouch. My spirit responded in wanting to receive this, though I must say my brain strayed to the thought, "umm there are WAY more important things to support. I should make my own way." Make my own way? Yeah, I don't have a problem doing that in any other area....why is money the one that challenges me? Money can have it's hold. I'm not talking the greedy hold-I'm talking the consuming hold, the block of trust and hope because you're (I'm) too concerned with the thought of "how do I make this work? How do I be responsible?" Responsibility is good. Lack of belief that God loves me enough to provide is not. I'm learning. I feel more released to abide in love and not fear lack of money-for me or my family. Am I being open right now? Yes! Why are we open about other "issues" in our lives but not money. It's kinda' a big deal....

I think I've typed enough. Bravo' to those of you who have held on till now. So-prayer lovely ones. I would love prayer. I am in love with Jesus. Might sound strange, but truly, I choose Him every day. He chose me, and He sees me everyday. I've noticed these days sometimes I wake up and I start singing worship songs before I even realize I am singing. It happens in the middle of the day too. My thoughts were straying to an un-healthy place the other day and suddenly this worship song was playing in my head at the same time-"these two shouldn't be playing at the same time" I thought. So I shut the leading-to-empty thought down. I'm choosing fullness. Please pray that worries, health, pressures, etc will not inhibit me in any way. That I will choose to battle every day-revival is an every day battle....that post is for another time. ;o) Pray for provision for me and my family. Pray I can communicate my heart to my friends. Pray I can communicate God's heart to my friends. Pray for the events we're planning. Pray for every-day faithful revivalists. 

God loves you. Abundantly! 

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12 ~ The longing of my soul. (Pray for Boston/Cambridge!) 

Eating My Roommate's Cookies

      As I write this I am indeed eating my roommates cookies. They are from Trader's Joes and they are yummy. They sit on this shelf in our "living room" (see tour of room-below ;o) ) and tempt me pretty much every day. All that to say, my roommate is a sweet young woman named Allie. But, we don't socialize too much. Different schedules, different lives. I am very blessed to have my own room. And the windows in this building are lovely. We have three especially nice ones in the living room. I have tea. My living situation is quite nice. So-with all of this-how am I? What's life like on the East Side of this Nation? Well, Massachusetts...Cambridge specifically. I'll be short-people are more apt to read short posts anyway. It looks long--but you gotta' count the pictures. ;o)

     So, some pictures to get the idea of how I'm livin' life: 

Snow! New friends. ^^ Beautiful cold snow. A natural store with tea!

    So, life has been good. I have met some sweet girls who have become my pals. We have gone swing dancing-yay! And we've seen Ladysmith Black Mambazo live in an awesome Old Civil War memorial building turned into a theater! As far as classes go, they have been on the up-side, though I'm looking for more of a challenge. Each class size is small, always under 20 people. They are interactive and the teachers are all nice people who enjoy their jobs!! I am in an internship class, so that means every Thursday I am going to an Adult Day Care Center for elderly with disabilities and helping out there. That has been lovely and a highlight. I love the clients and the easy atmosphere there....and it's just nice to get away from college students. I have two jobs, one at a library in a school (go figure right?) and another at Tutoring Plus, where I basically try to keep kids on task as much as possible--not the most fun job, but I'm grateful for it. I am also excited to be trying out different dance routines this week as part of the dance club on campus. They have a great way of running their club, lots of choreographies to choose from and two trial weeks for you to test out the dance before you commit to doing it. So far I'm definitely committed to "You Can't Stop the Beat," a song from Hairspray. It's a fun, upbeat and a wonderfully 60s dance number. (You'll love it mom. We shake and shimmy.) I've been to two different churches so far and brought my girlfriends to one that is very near where I live. That has been so refreshing for me--two Sunday's ago I just let loose in worship and danced for the Lord. 

        I can tell you-being here is different than California. The weather-love it. Yes, I get cold. Yes, I do miss being able to wear next-to-nothing sometimes. Sure, the ocean calls my name. But the air is brisk, not holding me down, I want to walk in it. The snow is gorgeous, and unless you have a car, it's not so much trouble to "deal with." You just keep walking! Sitting and drinking tea has a real satisfaction to it. And the sun isn't burning my skin off--though I admit the wind and cold has chapped it-new lotion from the natural store! And let's not forget, I lived in Norway for 7 months and never got tired of the cold....so I'm doing fine peeps. 

      Emotionally I have been well, missing some peeps from back home, missing physical touch (one of my top love languages) and feeling the need for Christian fellowship. The Christian's I've met have brought new breath to me and I'm so grateful. I have had so many beautiful and meaningful conversations with the friends I've met here-all at different walks of life where faith is concerned. I can see one of the main reasons God has me here is to be light, truth, beauty, and strong love to these friends. It truly is a blessing to give what has been sown so deeply in me. I am walking deeper in my convictions in a place where having certain convictions can be dangerous to one's friendship statuses. "Under a bushel" is not in my vocabulary. However, this doesn't mean I don't get lazy, or don't speak up at times. Continued prayer for wisdom and strength are always needed! God is close, I know. I know I need to draw near, really near, in a place where God culturally is very far. I keep feeling like I'm a visitor here, but I'm here to "be" for awhile. I don't want to start thinking about packing my bags and leaving just yet. I know God has roots for me here. Because GOD'S roots need to abide in Massachusetts.  

       Here is a little poem I just wrote, just kinda' came out--the desires of our hearts always will....

Grace and Glory 

God who carved my soul
take me and make me whole
I am longing.
Discard
what I do not need
Gain
Your glory. Grace in me-You.
Enough
This side of heaven I can not seem to reach-
enough
Show me Your face.
I want to see Love.

love to you all

Tour of Room

It's kind of a boring tour...sorry about that. Pretty much for my parents. ;o) Check out the post below for mailing address and prayer requests!

Click on link for tour of my dorm living.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dPs6YmfCa0&feature=youtu.be

Address&Prayer

(Check out my post: "From Here to There" to see where I am now and what's coming up...)

If you would like to send snail male to me while I'm at school here's the address :o)

Lesley University
Beth Brooks 1038
38 Mellen St.
Cambridge, MA 02138
USA

Some things that I would love to receive miraculous prayer for:

. Finances (And that there will be God's grace as I meet with those in charge of finances to have compassion and help bring me to the best payment options.) I'm believing for miracles in this area, truly, I know money shouldn't hold me back but I have to responsible. I have never been in this position before in my life where that dollar amount loomed in front of me in such a daunting manner. But I know God has told me not to let money be the only thing that holds me back, because He is the God of everything--even that hard thing of money. Amen!

. My Roommate. I have yet to meet her--but I know this will be a special friendship.

. My work-study (I need a good job that can work with my hours)

. My connections with people on campus (Just that God would lead me to the right clubs/activities/people/ and such)

. Christian community and fellow worshipers (God has already begun to answer this prayer through Phil and Linda. They are the couple I stayed with when I flew in yesterday. They are relatives of friends of mine in California. What a wonderful, generous Christian couple! I felt so much peace spending my first night in Massachusetts in their home. It gave me joy as I feel asleep.)

So much love to all my friends and family! <3 p="">

From Here to There

I've returned from Norway. ;o) I did that in June. Well, technically I returned from Switzerland, by way of Germany. :o) On the plane to California I wrote in my journal wondering to God when I would be back in Europe. My heart already missed it as I flew over the Atlantic. Being back for 6 months has brought me through a time of transition. A friend of mine said about transition times, "Ah, yes, Transition is always hard. It's uncomfortable and things come up that you didn't even know were there, but it's only in this time of transition that you can really concentrate on those things." So. True. I feel I have learned so much in this time back home--from God and from myself and through the closer relationships around me. It has not been a particularly fun season, but I've definitely had some hearty laughs and good times. I noticed the laughing more because of the lack of it and realized--I needed to let God really get into my heart and bring back the joy of being free in Him. The joy of being a worshiper. 

     "The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy." Zephaniah 3:17 

Who is like God? No one. I mean, really, He's incredible! No one else satisfies my heart like Him. My pursuit of God, who He has called me to be, and what he has called all His children to do (make disciples) has led me to Cambridge, Massachusetts. Because, there I will be attending Lesley University, majoring in Expressive Arts Therapy. (More on that later) Freedom, hope, love--these are the key words that come to mind when I think about what I want to do with Expressive Arts therapy-how I want to serve others and God and see many come into the Freedom of being surrendered to God. There is a vision, and it continues to be shaped and changed, just as my heart does. I will be going into the school as a Junior and will be living on campus for this first semester. It will be quite the climate change. I am looking forward to it. I miss the snow-truly. :o) 

I plan to periodically share more insights, awesome information I'm learning, and pieces of my heart on this blog as I start yet another adventure! Please pray for me. Please pray for humility and a heart that is always yielded to God--where it doesn't matter if I know exactly where/how/when/who/why--but I know HIM--Jesus, my Lord, Love, Savior, Friend, and Expressive Arts Inspiration. And please pray for my family. We are all in different places in life and literally in location. Pray that our hearts will be encouraged in the individual callings God has for each one of us, and that we can support one another as a family in those callings. That is a heart's desire of mine. From Here to There, back again, off again, out, in...."The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever." Psalm 121:8 (Amen!) 

"Deuteronomy 28:6
You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out." And I have been blessed! 
This was just a little "gett er' goin'" post and soon I'm sharing a bit of a video that's a work in progress (a personal project of mine)....check out the following post to come shortly. ;o)

Christmas in California......yep, even swimming in the ocean in December. ;o)